I think I'm an alcoholic =/

[Desert_Rose]

I've always been against alcohol. My father was an alcoholic and I've never even been to a party. Well two, but I never drank anything. I always thought that was so atupid. Even though I've been severily depressed in my life I've never turned to alcohol... except now.
When you turn 20 in Sweden you are allowed to buy alcohol and so I did. I bought something I remembered my dad bought once and I tasted and liked. And from that point it has only gone down hill =/

I drink a lot now, not on partys but at home. I drink till' I feel relaxed and all that. I know it's bad and I'm embaressed about it cuz' I always thought I was stronger than that. But lately my life has been even worse than it has been beafore... and it has been bad =/

I just don't know what to do. Is it so bad to drink to feel good? How can you quit without joining AA which is like totaly religious... I don't know anything anymore. All I know is that this is probably not a good thing =/

[babysnuzzle]

If you cannot feel good without the drink, and you drink to make yourself feel good then yes i would seek out help. :(

[Baby Stargaze]

you should definitely get help while you are two steps ahead of yourself. Because in time, you will fall many steps behind if you don't do something about it. You are consious that you might have a problem developing...so do what you must now!
Yes, AA can be religious, however...not everyone there is religious. If you meet just one person there who isn't...then you already have a partial support group. And in the meantime, refrain from buying alcohol for relaxing. Try doing something positive, something that will keep you feeling good...like working out. Or painting, or any kind of hobby you can think of taking up.
If you are depressed, the last thing you should do to cope with it is staying at home by yourself. Many people when depressed feel compelled to be alone...but you really must get yourself out and be with your friends and family. If you think it would benifit you, see a shrink.
Not that I condone drinking alcohol...but you need to be drinking for the right reasons. (a social event, have a glass of wine...out with friends, have a beer...etc) and your reason for drinking couldn't be more wrong unfortunately =/ Alcohol is not an anti-depressant. It's actually quite the opposite...
If you feel that with drinking alcohol, you have potential to become an alocholic, then sometimes it's best to cut alcohol out of your life completely. If you can't handle having just one drink...then you are probably much better off having none at all. Better to stop now than years down the line. It just gets harder.

[ChristyK15]

Please get help because there are deeper issues than just the alcohol, especially since it is in the family. The earlier you head it off the better off you will be. At least you realize that you do it to feel better. There are other things that can help you feel better. Some of the AAs around here are not religious-based, and some are based near college campuses. My father is now on his last leg of alholism (liver is failing) and he still does not think he has a problem...he also suffers from depression.

[Angelus]

Some encouragement...research shows that if someone starts drinking after the legal age (here it's 21, close enough) that they are less likely to become alcoholic, and those that do become alcoholic have statistically higher rates of being able to recover from bouts of alcoholism.

For some alcoholism is dangerous, and for others it can also be just a phase. Many American college kids go CRAZY in their college years, but eventually grow out of it. Some don't, but the point is you always have hope! Just don't expect to much from yourself all at once.

I agree with everyone else and suggest you get some help though. Dealing with alcoholism is hard enough as it is...there's no reason for you to try to go it alone when you can easily have people to support you, and return the favor by supporting them. A network is always stronger than any one single person.

[Manna]

I wish you could see "Dr. G. Medical Examiner" where you're at. It's a TV show (real) about a medical examiner (they open dead people to find the cause of death). This show uses real cases, and Dr. G. is the woman who is the examiner.

It's awful to see what happens to some of these (often young!) people who die from something related to alcohol.

I will never touch the stuff.

Because of your father, and since he was the reason you were against it, I would suggest reminding yourself every time you look at alcohol- "Do I want to be like him?" I know your answer would be NO. No you don't. It's not worth becoming someone you're not. It's not worth drowning your sorrow in a liquid that doesn't care if you live or die.

Like BabyStargaze said- you recognize you may have a problem. You're SO lucky you caught yourself now. I personally, am very glad you posted this. I have about five alcoholic uncles. One has gotten help. The other got help, and is doing drugs instead. The one who has gotten help isn't religious at all (more liek the opposite).

Here are some of my suggestions for ya:

1)Like I said above- remember why you didn't want to drink to begin with. Your father.

2)When you drink, you can say things you don't mean. You can do things you don't mean. You don't want to end up doing something you might regret later. Remember that.

3)Go out and have fun with a friend or two in a place that DOES NOT serve alcohol. If you look at wine or any other alcoholic drink, and you think that you might like to drink it, DON'T. Don't ever drink anything to make yourself feel better, or to try and relax.

4)Take a nice warm bubble bath to relax. Pick up your an old favorite book to read while you take your bath. Listen to your favorite music.

5)Save the money that you would normally spend on alcohol (even if it really isn't much). See how much you end up with after a couple of weeks. SPEND IT on something you could really USE. A new radio, a TV show boxset on DVD, ponies, a stuffed animal(s).

6)Think about what Alcohol can do to your body. To your liver. Every time you pick up something to drink, think about it. Alcohol, even at low doses, significantly impairs the judgment and coordination required to drive a car safely. Low to moderate doses of alcohol can also increase the incidence of a variety of aggressive acts, including domestic violence and child abuse. In addition, mothers who drink alcohol during pregnancy may give birth to infants with fetal alcohol syndrome. These infants may suffer from mental retardation and other irreversible physical abnormalities. (So if you ever want kids, remember that especially.)

7)Every time you feel lonely, think about all the people who care about you.

I'm sure there are a ton more, but I don't have the time to say anything else, but I know you're a smart, pretty girl and that you don't NEED to drink anything to be happy. You're a great person just as you are.

If you ever need to talk, give me a PM. I might not live near you, but we're close in age, and I really do want to help. I see this stuff happen to people every single day, and I've seen it way too much as of late.

*Hugs* Don't be embarrassed about it. I'm glad you came here and posted about it, despite embarrassment, because I think some advice from the people here will be wonderful. Nobody's going to look down on you because you have a problem. It is bad to drink to feel good. It really is. Because there are so many OTHER things in life that are better, that ought to make you happy.

If you lived in the USA, I would tell you to give me a call every time you felt like drinking something.

Remember, if you ever want to talk, I'm here. Throw me a PM or email.

*Hugs again*

[adrilahan]

I went through the same thing as soon as I was old enough to drink. I had undiagnosed depression, and was relying on alcohol to drown my sorrows, and allow me to sleep. You've already taken the first step to preventing it though, you've acknowledged the problem.

As soon as I did that, I made my mind up that I wasn't going to do that anymore. I quit smoking, quit eating junkfood, and quit eating more than one bar of candy a week, and kept this up for a month. I ate nothing but healthfood. An overreaction for sure. Maybe not the right thing to do, but it worked. I didn't touch any alcohol for a year. Then, I started having the occasional drink with a meal, or while watching a sports game. I can safely say that my alcohol problems are under control. I can walk past the four different flavours of vodka, and 36 pack of beer in the kitchen, and not even feel the slightest need to have one. I have alcohol, but it doesn't have me. When I do drink, I limit myself to two measures a night, and never drink before 6pm or after 2am.

A measure of alcohol is:
1 shot glass of liquor OR
1 5 ounce glass of wine OR
1 12 ounce bottle of beer

Knowing this, and knowing my limit, I NEVER drink more than two measures a night. Generally, I make my way through one bottle of beer every two hockey games.

However, my family doesn't have a history of alcoholism, so that's something to bear in mind. While I feel safe drinking while watching hockey games (which are rather too frequent for some), that's a whole lot of alcohol in a year, especially if you only drink when your team is playing and they make it to the Stanley Cup playoffs.

My advice is to get help, or better still, empower yourself to fix the problem yourself, if you feel capable. While promising you'll never touch alcohol again might seem like a smart idea, do remember that it's proven a small quantity of alcohol can actually help your health. I heard something about a glass of red wine a week being good for the heart because of its antioxidants. Of course, that's something to discuss with your doctor, as I'm no expert on this subject, and he might suggest a different course of action for you.

Good luck, Desert Rose, and congratulations for having taken the first step in kicking the habit!

[tealslippers]

Hi there I would talk to your doctor about it or set up an appointment with your public health nurse. A lot of people drink a glass or two of wine everyday - look at France! But if you find that you *need* or *crave* alcohol, there could be a problem.

If you are dealing with depression or anxiety, you can get help that will actually fix the problem rather than covering it up.

*HUG*

[Desert_Rose]

Maybe I should give my situatuon an backround to this topic before it spins way out of controll with people jumping to conclucions of things and so on.

Let's keep it civil as always

Well I'm just gona say that my childhood was terrible. More than that I don't need to drag up. I survvied it alone then and now I'm way past it.
But then when I became a teenager people do tend to be more and more mean to eachouther. I got to a knew school when it was one and a half year left till graduation. I changed everything to be popular and they knew. Till this day people recognize me there and so forth. But then again I was known as the hook*er* *hrm* It was horrible and it has kind of went on from there. I'm not gonna wine and say that everyone's against me, but it's a known fact here that people hate me here. My parents do and want to throw me out - both of them and they got seperated when I was 4! So that is 2 places... And it has been trouble finding a job untill now - thank god something that holds me away from the ****. And then my new boyfriend who I never hear a word from more than one e-mail a week cuz' he's in the army "having fun and beeing on meetings" yeah theres no time to call your girlfriend between all that? I don't have any friends what so ever. Sure you can look at me like I'm wierd, but if it's not a problem to me then why is it to someone else. In this case it could be good to have one or two friend who could drag me out on things. But I always prefered sitting home, writing my stories, watching TV, reading, organazing my room and so on. I never went to any gym classes. If I want workout I throw on a pair of rollerblades and go around the town och take the bike. Alone in the night - how I like it :P
It's just the loneliness I've started to feel that non of my parents want me, now my bf is away and can't talk to me and that I don't have any friends - that has given me a serious depression which I got meds. for from the doctor, but even with those pills I still get panicattacs and the only thing controlling that is acohol =/ I swore I would never turn out to be my father who just drinks and drinks. I still refuse to believe I'm like him, but I too drink a little in the morning, in the day, and a litte in the evening. To feel relaxed simply so I can calmly do the things I used to like writing and reading and so on. But I guess that is down right alcoholicism I stumbeld in too =(

[Manna]

*Hugs again*

I know what it's like to not really have any friends. Luckily for me, my parents want me around (because I buy things for the house randomly and don't cause any trouble, plus they don't want me to leave my sister there with both my brothers). Blahblahblah, I'm rambling.

Ohh, rollerblading. That is a good idea. =) If it's something you enjoy, by all means! Get an MP3 player/ipod/whatever, and roll around the block a few times. Sounds like fun to me!

Have you tried drawing? I listen to music while I draw- most relaxing thing EVER. Do you listen to soft music while you write? I have tried that, but I end up trying to write lyrics to the song, or forgetting entirely what I was going to write because I am humming.

I don't think you're like your father at all- you say he drinks and drinks, but at least you have a measure of self-control. I don't think you should drink it during the morning/day, but a little in the evening is fine. It'd help you relax a bit, do the stuff you like (like reading/writing), and help you sleep. But don't depend on it to help you.

How much is a little, to you, anyway? It might be a lot less than I think it is (but you can never tell. Over here, people say "I had a little" and they could mean anything from a shot glass to seven shots).