The worst week of my life.

josiekat · 12-06-2009, 10:34 AM

Just when I thought I was back from being sick and everything, life just punches me in the face again. Only this time, I don't feel that there is anything worse. Last Monday, I had to go to the ER because I started spotting. The worst happened....I lost my baby. The doctors don't know why. They just told me that, "it's just one of those things." In my head I understand that, but in my heart I wanted to scream and punch them. I have spent the last week hiding in my house, and the only real activity I have had was to maybe play on facebook a bit. I'm so devastated. All I have ever really wanted since I was a kid was to be mom. I thought that dream was about the be realized. Now I have nothing. I feel like I have failed my husband, as he really wants to be a father and is almost 40. The holidays are ruined for me. I don't feel like celebrating at all. My husband feels the same way about the holidays, but we have decided to plug along anyway. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need to let out my anger, frustration, and grief somewhere where I didn't end up yelling at someone who didn't deserve it. Thank you for letting me vent.

Seahorse · 12-06-2009, 10:36 AM

Oh Josie, this is terrible! I'm so very sorry *Huge hugs* :( xx

StrawberryReef · 12-06-2009, 11:20 AM

oh, Josie... my heart just sank. I can only imagine how you feel and you just vent all you need to. I'm so so sorry to hear what you are going through.

I hope that you will talk with your husband about these feelings, especially that you feel that you failed him (which is so not true). The guilt will only add to your sadness and it is not something you should feel guilty for at all. My husband and I went through a tragedy with our son and times like this can bring couples closer or break them apart. Let him comfort you in your time of need and when you are stronger, you can comfort him.

Many hugs to you dear. I'm praying for you, your husband, and your little one.

ditabee · 12-06-2009, 11:36 AM

Oh wow, I'm so sorry! Even though you aren't after sympathy. You get mine. My heart aches for you. You need to speak to your husband. I know he doesn't blame you. It's not your fault.
How far along were you? Did they bring in a grief counselor to come speak to you at least at the hospital? You do not need to bottle these feelings & emotions up. You need to talk to someone whether it's your husband or a counselor.

jljb · 12-06-2009, 11:46 AM

I'm sorry josiekat. That must be a horrible feeling. My friends are going through the same thing right now. I hope you understand that there was nothing you could have done differently or nothing that you did wrong. Please take some time for yourself and your husband to grieve, and then start trying to get pregnant again when you are both ready! We are all here for you whenever you need to air some feelings.

themaltesepony · 12-06-2009, 12:02 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I second the idea that going through hard times and bitter disappointments can bring a couple closer together, and I hope time brings you comfort and healing.

bluerose9978 · 12-06-2009, 12:35 PM

*Hugs Josie tight* I understand exactly how you feel. I will never be a mom. However, I know YOU still will. It will happen. Don't blame yourself. Bad things happen to good people sometimes for no reason at all. Have some faith!

Fizzy_Suprise · 12-06-2009, 01:06 PM

Aw sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I cant even begin to imagine how you feel right now. I hope every thing gets better for you and your next try goes better.
You'll be in my thoughts

Pikabubba · 12-06-2009, 01:14 PM

Josie, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. A miscarriage can happen for different reasons. I know you're angry and upset right now and I don't blame you. Please think of it this way though- your body is at least capable of getting pregnant so I hope one day you guys will try again and we'll all cross our fingers for you **hugs**

skig · 12-06-2009, 01:43 PM

Oh, josie, I'm so sorry to hear. *big, huge hugs* Please don't blame yourself, and I'm sure that your husband doesn't blame you.

I have a friend who has PCOS. She and her husband lost a baby last year. In October of this year, she gave birth to a beautiful, healthy boy. I hope that that gives you some hope. Your family will be in my thoughts.