Arrrrrrrrg! (*vents*)

[Midnight Fireflies]

So my brother moved back home and brought his g/f with him. (both lost jobs) I still live at home so now there are 4 of us crammed into a 2 bedroom house. Don't get me wrong, I adore his g/f, Sam, but I am just incredibly stressed because of some of the things that are going on.

First of all my dad is retired. He is on a fixed income, and can't buy things like he used to. He shops at Aldi's b/c it's cheaper but when he buys groceries, EVERYBODY eats the groceries he buys. I tend to have my own stash of food for work and such and I will go buy milk, toilet paper, eggs etc. as needed. BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES. My brother is a VACUUM. He eats as if his stomach is a black hole. Maybe ONCE he brought milk home. Both my brother and his g/f have jobs now and NO ONE has offered to buy groceries. Everybody is in their 20's and it's not my dad's responsibility to provide for us. Even the food that I buy for myself- my brother and his g/f will eat without asking. IT'S IRRITATING. I can't afford to feed 4 people! I shouldn't have to! I'm about ready to start labeling the food that I buy. At least when it was just my dad and I, it was a give and take thing. Both of us would buy stuff to eat and share. My brother and Sam seem to just continually take without giving back. My dad told me today that he can't afford to buy groceries this month b/c of the taxes he owe's from retiring in August. There is no milk in the fridge and I know that if I go buy milk, I may get 1 cup before it's all gone b/c my brother drank the rest of it. I feel bad for my dad, b/c we used to share things and I feel like I can't b/c my brother will get to it first. It's not fair. I'm really stressed.

I feel like I hardly have any personal space because everybody's stuff is everywhere. I don't want to stay holed up in my room, b/c that is too depressing. A few years back we turned the living room into "dad's bedroom" b/c we never moved when mom left and my brother and I got the two bedrooms. Well now the both of them hang out in "dad's room" and I heard they want to move another couch in there so people have more room to sit. Well I'm definitely going to blow up at that b/c my dad can't even watch his own friggen T.V. in there and that is HIS BEDROOM/PERSONAL AREA.

My brother does NOTHING. He doesn't even take out the trash. I stopped doing the dishes b/c I don't have the time to do 4 people's dishes with work/school. I wash the dishes I use and that's it.

Sam wants to bring her pit bull down from her parents for over a month and I already have a German Shepherd who is territorial enough as it is. I DON'T WANT ANY MORE LIVING THINGS IN THIS HOUSE AS IT IS!!!! IT'S TOO SMALL! My dog does not like other dogs on her turf! I warned Sam about this. I'm thinking of having her sign something I write up saying that if the dogs get in a fight, I will not be responsible for any damage her dog receives. I also cannot afford anymore vet bills!!!!! I really just do not know what to do. Arrrrrggggg!

This is ridiculous. My dad is stressed out lately b/c of financial issues and he just doesn't feel mentally able to deal with conflict. I feel like I am going to blow up and I need a way to bring these issues up without coming off like a complete *****. You know???? How do I get thru this so everybody can be happy???? Or as close to happy as we can be???

[SwiftStar84]

This sounds to me like something I would read in the Dear Abby Column. Honestly try writing a letter to them first. The letter will give you the chance to keep a cool head about things. So that way if you do get upset you can stop yourself from writing it down. Tell them why you are upset and use specifics events. Tell them to come talk to you in person about the issue. And make sure both of you are calm when talking or exploding could occur and that's not right. It sounds to me like you need to step up here because Dad won't.

[xayide2]

I like the letter suggestion. I would also suggest having them pay some rent. I live at home with my husband at my parents house and it's not a free ride either.

Ditto on putting your foot down on the other dog. If it's happy where it's at then leave it there, because you can guarantee that no one will be happy with 2 territorial dogs in the house. Why does she want to bring it to your house for a month anyway? Why don't they live with her parents if she misses the dog?

[Merry Treats]

I'm against the letter; to me, it's passive aggressive. Even if you don't mean for it to be, it can get that way, fast. I had a roommate who used to leave me notes; I caught him sticking one to my bedroom door while I was home once. He was non-confrontational but still wanted to say things to me, he just didn't want to give me the chance to respond. Eventually, this didn't work in his favour.

Anyways, I'd try to get everyone to sit down around a table and discuss it like adults. You need to make sure that your parents are more assertive about this; it is THEIR house. Your brother and his girlfriend are GUESTS.

As for the dog issue, that's not one to be fooling with. If neither of them are employed, why are they still supporting an animal? I know larger dogs aren't precisely cheap, but then again, not many people willing to adopt pits anyways because of the negative media attention. That being said, if you've already got a fully grown male German shepherd who is as territorial as you say, introducing a new dominant animal into a small house is NOT going to go over well.

[Nightmare_Knight]

I can understand your frustration. With this tough economic time, even I'm staring at the possibility of having to move back home to rebuild my life.

Unfortunately, not everyone matures mentally by their 20's and some people don't their whole lives... What your brother and his GF are doing is enjoying a free ride. Since the Merry-go-round is still going around, they don't feel obligated to get off yet.

It's a tough fate you have. You bend over backwards for family to give them a chance to get back on their feet and then they take advantage of your generosity. So, there has to come a point where they're able to stand on their feet again and get pushed out of the nest again. If you don't, things will only get worst, as they become more entrenched and comfortable living back at home.

Talk with your dad first. Since it's his house, he needs to enforce the rules. Sometimes you feel guilty having to kick family out again. After all, you gave out a helping hand and now you're taking it back. But it isn't your father's responsibility to have to care for children that can rightfully take care of themselves now. Try the letter approach too. I find that I can often write down everything I want to express to someone without forgetting something later or getting sidetracked. You can also try to "wean" your brother out too. Since he's eating all the food, don't put it in a public place. Get a min fridge (they're like $40 and are even nice to own when you live on your own) and store food in your bedroom closet. Sure, you can act like a squirrel for a few weeks, but who doesn't like to play charades... But, don't think this will solve the whole problem either. When people are enjoying a free thing, they'll find other ways to get around obstacles. This is just one thing to kill off a root he's grown.

BTW, take it from someone that has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly from the animal world. If you're brother's GF does bring into the house her dog, you're looking at a situation that can quickly turn ugly. If your dog gets hurt, it becomes the blame game of her saying you're dog started it and she isn't responsible to pay your emergency vet bills. Then you fight with her and then your brother and the next thing you know, you don't talk for 20 years. I've spent way too many Saturday nights working at an animal ER only to have people say they aren't paying the bill because it was the other person's dog fault.

Also, remember the Golden Rule, treat those the way you would like to be treated. Someday down the line, you may find yourself in need of help and being nasty to someone is a poor way to maintain relations. As the old saying goes, don't burn your bridges after you cross them. It's a lot harder to retreat when you need them. Peace and good luck to you.

[partypony566]

I am so sorry you are havng all this stress :( and I feel real sorry for your dad too! Your bro and his GF are behaving like a couple of freeloaders and it's way out of line!

Originally Posted by Merry Treats

I'm against the letter; to me, it's passive aggressive. Even if you don't mean for it to be, it can get that way, fast. I had a roommate who used to leave me notes; I caught him sticking one to my bedroom door while I was home once. He was non-confrontational but still wanted to say things to me, he just didn't want to give me the chance to respond. Eventually, this didn't work in his favour.

Anyways, I'd try to get everyone to sit down around a table and discuss it like adults. You need to make sure that your parents are more assertive about this; it is THEIR house. Your brother and his girlfriend are GUESTS.

As for the dog issue, that's not one to be fooling with. If neither of them are employed, why are they still supporting an animal? I know larger dogs aren't precisely cheap, but then again, not many people willing to adopt pits anyways because of the negative media attention. That being said, if you've already got a fully grown male German shepherd who is as territorial as you say, introducing a new dominant animal into a small house is NOT going to go over well.

agreed 100%!

[c_slipsager]

Start being a um bad word.... when things get tough here in our home I get tougher.
My husband and I live with my Mother, it was great until her boy friend and another friend moved in. my mom works hard and everyone else in the house works except me since I am finishing college.

I would talk to your Father, ask him what ground rules he wants in place, then execute them. Be an open book holding these frustrations and anger in is not good. I have had to go to my mothers Boyfriend and ask for $100 for groceries on his pay day and if he said no, I say "you want to eat don't you? get out of the fridge if you won't contribute." there are 5 of us and the grocries cost $500 or more a month that includes using coupons and shoping sales. Make it clear to each family member how much food really cost. And I would tell them to pick up after themselves, if everyone in your house is an adult then they should take care of there own things and space. They should respect the roof that is being provided as well as the food. My husband and i may live rent free for now but we contribute to the household by shopping for necessities and cleaning the house and by paying other bills.
Explain to everyone that "dad is not made of money, life is not free,and you are causing unbelievable stress on dad. " that is where i would start.

Sometimes all people need is a little motivation/ and a little tough love.
It might help to get someone on your side form a little coalition between you and dad or another family member if you can get through to them then they can help you make changes in the house.

I am sorry that things are crappy right now. I hope your family can come to some better living arrangements.

hope this helps

[Midnight Fireflies]

Hi guys! Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I did talk to them a few days ago, and yesterday they brought home a BUNCH of groceries. So I'm really happy about that. I just have to talk to Sam and tell her the dog can't come down.

[Gummypony]

Sometimes people don't realize what they are doing until someone tells them literally that their behavior is less than appreciated. Sometimes financial situations don't allow for people to move out,but that doesn't mean you have to be totally miserable and put up with it at all. If they are both working and not paying for anything there is no reason they can't pony up some money for food,rent or utilities. They should be saving to move out not enjoying a free ride. And I don't blame you for the dog drama. One Dog that's territorial is bad enough,tossing another dog into the equation is not a good idea. If those dogs fight and people get in the middle of it someone can get seriously hurt.

I see your from WI like myself,your dad should try to get on the food share program. When he applies say he's single and lives alone otherwise they might count your income and he won't get it. If you want a link to apply pm me,he can also apply for badger care health insurance from the state. Anything is worth trying.