Broke off the engagement. *Updated thread* 3/26/12 See pg4 HUGE THANK YOU

[Phantasy]

RUN. This definitely sounds pathological, and it can't be "fixed." You have to trust your instincts and do what is best for YOU. It's too bad your father thinks so highly of him, but, at the end of the day, you're the one who has to live with this man. You're the one who has to deal with the stress of not being able to trust/believe him. Not your father. Also, it sounds like you will have your brother and his g/f to support/back you up. It's a lot easier when you have someone who sees what you see.

I really hope everything works out and that you get what YOU need.

[greengrrrl]

I'd talked to him first and foremost. Let him know how you are feeling. Typically this type of thing can't be helped, but if he's aware that you love him for who he is without the "spin", and he's willing to attempt to get help... well... I'd say it's worth a try. My first instinct is to run, but if you love him and he loves you, I'd talk first. An open, honest, frank discussion - and if he's unable to do that, well, then you'll have your answer and you won't have to doubt yourself.

[Chun-Li]

Did you find out why he is lying all the time? Is it because he feels insecure? What is his reason? But still I believe that one someone is getting married to someone else they need to be completely honest to each other no matter what so they can trust each other and work on any problems if need to be. Also if you are having some issues with him now that you can't stand it needs to be worked out now as things can get worse when you are both married.

As an aside, I am a huge pathological liar and a fake at my clinical placement because if I am not I would get kicked out of the program. They are forcing me to do things I hate but I have to pretend that I really enjoy it or I will fail. Sometimes I lie so much it makes myself sick but I don't have a choice. However when it comes to family I am completely honest and tell the truth about everything and how I feel.

I know this might sound horrible but if your fiance wants to lie to other people he can but not to you or his current/future family.

[Midnight Fireflies]

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the input. I'm pretty sure he lies to EVERYBODY. He'll spin stories in front of his friends/brothers/family. It isn't just me. But I know he does it around me and definitely in front of my dad. This whole realization has me questioning the basis of our relationship. Last night I couldn't sleep b/c I was kept awake by "What else has he lied to me about?" I'd be willing to bet that 3/4 of his childhood stories were false. Also the story about how he was engaged once before b/c I remember talking to a friend of his about this prior engagement and he had no idea he even had a prior engagement before. He told me he found his fiance in bed with another man. Probably to illicit sympathy from me. I don't even know this person I'm supposed to be engaged to. A bunch of realizations hit me last night. Like how if I question something he said in the past he'll just say, "hmmm, I don't remember that." I mean, he lies about things he doesn't even have to lie about! There's no basis for it. I don't know if I really want to try making this work b/c I don't even know the person I fell in love with. In fact we were looking at houses a month ago and he said he was pre-approved for a mortgage loan. Then when we found something we both liked he was like, "well I have to get approved." I remember being ticked at this. I was like, "You said you were ALREADY pre-approved." Where upon he tries weaving a different story. I was pretty mad at this.

It occurred to me last night that maybe I could try talking to a family member of his that I trust. (I thought his oldest brother-who recently got married-would be best) And asking him to be honest with me about my fiance's past and to tell me if he knows anything about his lying. He may or may not, but he probably will have some advice for me given how I am feeling. I just don't want other family of his to be involved and try to get me to stay if I don't want to. I LOVE his entire family, but they probably won't understand and I'll be portrayed as the "bad guy." If I leave. But I shouldn't concern myself with other people. Like Phantasy said: I gotta think about ME.
"

[darcerin]

In fact we were looking at houses a month ago and he said he was pre-approved for a mortgage loan. Then when we found something we both liked he was like, "well I have to get approved." I remember being ticked at this. I was like, "You said you were ALREADY pre-approved." Where upon he tries weaving a different story. I was pretty mad at this.

Boom. Right there. If he's lying about that, he's lying about his finances. I'll even go so far as to bet he went in to get pre-approval and got turned down, so now he has to go somewhere else (if they'll take him in this disaster of a housing market!) and try to get pre-approved there.

Run, Midnight, RUN!!!! Throw the ring behind you as you leave!!!

[xayide2]

You don't need to confirm with others what you already know about him. You've caught him red-handed on some pretty big issues. Money is already the biggest stress factor in relationships. Break the engagement before he sucks your bank account dry, and move back out quickly. I have a feeling that the lies sound pretty and tempting, but not for you.

[tulagirl]

Run Run Run away...go the other direction and don't look back.A compulsive liar is a serious illness and they have major problems that are not going to be solved quickly. Look up compulsive lying on the internet and what they have to say about it from a psychiatric point of view...what these people are capabable of..that kind of thing...see if you can deal with what the facts and most probable outcomes of living with someone who has this condition tell you.

[QuestorStar]

RUN. RUN; fast and far.
I dated a guy *exactly* like that for 4 months. I liked him for 2 years and spent 2 years trying to start a real relationship with him. He did exactly the same thing.

*He had a Rolex watch-but "lost" it.
*He had a Cadillac Escalade-for a day, then wrecked it.
*He was stabbed (cuz hes "tough" and "cool") but there's no scar because he had it surgically removed. {Side note-I looked into that one-he claimed he was 17 when it happened, and removing scars is considered cosmetic surgery. You have to have the consent of your parents to have it done, under age 18. No way would his super conservative Christian parents go out of their way to have a scar removed. Its expensive too!}


and the list goes on and on but those are the ones that came to mind first. My evil ex did the same thing. He'd lie about every day things

"Oh, yea, I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you, I'm helping my mother in her garden"
...when in reality he was doing drugs and hanging out with his best friend by the creek.


He always tried to make himself sound cool or tough or, yes, like you said, the victim. I was in a bad car wreck, and got a huge settlement out of it. When he realized I was suddenly rich, he suddenly started comming around more often, borrowing $100 here and there. I didn't see much of it in return. If he could lie about one thing, he could lie about what he needs money for.
"I need to go to the doctor"
"I need money for gas"
"My car needs 2 new tires" and spend it on-who knows? Drugs, gambling, or just waste it.

I became great friends with his cousin and his best friend because they were truly great people-and I felt a shift in their auras compared to him because they had no reason to lie.


Sweetheart, I KNOW you love him but you *can't* spend the REST.OF.YOUR.LIFE. second guessing every word he says. If you can't trust the other person, you can't truly love him/her.

That scum bag I was dating ended up dumping me, over the phone, while I was out of town, because he had been cheating on me with some woman he met online, 8 years older than him. I was devistated, but looking back, I am THANKFUL to God, The Universe, and any deity that will listen, that I didn't stay with him. I am with a man now who is HONEST, good, and also makes me smile and laugh. He is awesome. Although I was upset over the ex for many months, it was such a stress relief to be with other people who had no reason to lie to me. I was parinoid for a long time, and checked out everyone's stories-but everyone else's stories weren't grandiose and far fetched sounding.

GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT! Its always right. <3

[Midnight Fireflies]

Hey y'all. Me again, thank you everypony for your words of wisdom, this is TRULY helping me to cope with this. I'm actually going to run a bit of an experiment today. Ironically, his truck is in the shop due to an oil gauge issue (true story). He has been complaining since last week and part of this week that he's on mandatory overtime, but refuses to work it. He comes home saying how everyone at his work is asking why he doesn't work it. He says cuz he can't mentally handle it. So I took him to work today. We got there 15 minutes before NORMAL start time (7am) and there were only 10 cars or so in the parking lot as opposed to the normal 30-40.

Me: I thought you said you were on mandatory overtime
Him: We are
Me: There's no one here
Him: Oh, they're in the back (says goodbye and goes in)

I drive around to "the back." WHERE THERE ISN'T EVEN A PARKING LOT.

I'm supposed to pick him up at 3:30pm. I am going to purposely show up late because I know that when shift is over people tend to leave quickly from there. I wanna see how many d*mn cars are there by the time I get there. Cause if that parking lot is mostly empty the H*LL they are on overtime!

[skyrocketneko]

Good luck! The more you can prove he's lying, the better you will feel about leaving him! I'm like you- I would need confirmation myself too.