I'm so happy I'm free

Sunshine Sam

Teeny Tiny Baby Pony
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
475
I fell in love with an abusive man and he was so controlling and abused me verbally, emotionally and mentally. I gave him second chances and he promised me that he would change. He put me down so much to the point I lost my self esteem and I felt horrible about myself. There were many nights where I cried and hated who I was. He got mad if I wore makeup, dressed pretty, talked to my guy friends and even jealous of my friends who were girls. It got to the point where I couldn't even see my own family. There's been times where I tried to leave him but threats came and emotional blackmail did too. Many times I was scared for my life. I've always wanted to share this but I feared what people would think of me or criticize me. I wish nothing but the happiness for people and since I've been free of him ponies are one of the things that keep me smiling and happy.
:cc:
 
I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through that. If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. Congratulations on getting away.
 
I think you might be surprised how many women have been with a man like this or lived with one growing up. I completely understand where you are and I am happy you did the one thing that so many can't do. You left. It is the hardest step, but a necessary one. You should congratulate yourself that you cared enough for your well being to leave that. Now when you heart is ready to trust again, my hope is a wonderful man will come your direction that you will be ready for and, you guys will not have abuse to deal with but trust, fun, joy and companionship.
 
*hugs* Congratulations on getting out of a terrible situation. I too was with a man like that for 8 years, married for 3. It took that long for me to realize how bad he was for me and then to get away from him. I am glad that you were not married to that man as that just makes everything worse and harder to break the cycle. Remember that you are worth it and no one is going to watch out for you but you. You never asked to be treated that way and was not your fault no matter what you are told. Deciding to be done is the hardest thing in those situations but it can save your life.
 
I have zero self esteem after my childhood

Important thing is, you got out. That is all there is to that

Some people put up facades sometimes you accidentally end up with a abusive guy that resembles a abusive relation you had growing up.

It's good to just be aware of it and move forward
 
I have zero self esteem after my childhood

Important thing is, you got out. That is all there is to that

Some people put up facades sometimes you accidentally end up with a abusive guy that resembles a abusive relation you had growing up.

It's good to just be aware of it and move forward


I'm a zero self-esteem, too. Getting thrown away after years of abuse just breaks something inside.
The upside is, I will NEVER do that to my daughter. ;)
 
I'm glad that your free and on the path to recovery and happiness. You deserve to be friend. :xmashug: Good for you, for kicking that :turkey: to the curb!
 
Thank you for all of your supportive. This took a lot of courage for me to write. I'm glad that I wrote it up however and don't regret it. Last year on Facebook I joined a group and posted up about the story and many people were down right mean to me which made me go into hiding again. It was an abusive group and now I stay away from groups on Facebook. I've recently joined a Forum and met others who's experienced the same thing as I have. I'm so glad that I came back on here. Now I can begin to collect MLP's again! :)
 
I fell in love with an abusive man and he was so controlling and abused me verbally, emotionally and mentally. I gave him second chances and he promised me that he would change. He put me down so much to the point I lost my self esteem and I felt horrible about myself. There were many nights where I cried and hated who I was. He got mad if I wore makeup, dressed pretty, talked to my guy friends and even jealous of my friends who were girls. It got to the point where I couldn't even see my own family. There's been times where I tried to leave him but threats came and emotional blackmail did too. Many times I was scared for my life. I've always wanted to share this but I feared what people would think of me or criticize me. I wish nothing but the happiness for people and since I've been free of him ponies are one of the things that keep me smiling and happy.
:cc:
I was married to a man like that and it just destroyed me too. Didn't help that I came from a family who treated me badly too. So I DO understand what you are going through and what it was like for you. You are not alone in that at all! I also found that Ponies made me feel better as I was trying to heal from the abuse. Not sure why but it helps. So keep going girlie, you're on the right path! PM me if you need someone to talk to. I've been through the whole abuse cycle, but my ex was all forms of abusive. Not just emotion/verbal. I unfortunately have children with my ex so it's impossible to get away from him completely and my children are forced by the court system to live with him due to the divorce. It's a cruel and unfair world we live in. Thank goodness for people like our ponyfriends who are super nice and supportive! Pony friends are the best!

If I may give you some advice? I found that abusers were attracted to me because of my sweet personality type, you probably are attractive to them because you're so nice. So it's important to get educated on how to "spot" them when they come around. There are lots of websites that will give you "red flag" type lists of abusive tendencies and little things that abusers do that give away that they are like that. I had to start researching it so I could avoid getting back into that situation with someone new who was just as abusive as my ex. Those abusive personality types seem to have a "sense" for people who make good victims. If you don't want to be a victim again, getting educated is just about the only way to avoid it, so you can cut them off before they can get deeply into your life and cause you more problems. Also, I noticed that when I talked to new men I was dating and told them how I had been a victim, it was like something triggered in their heads that said "Oh that means I can do that to you too and get away with it." Then I was dealing with trying to dump a new abusive jerk again and again. It sucks! But you may have to start baiting dates with questions like that to see how they deal with it. And another thing, I noticed that men who were into BDSM, who were doms were ALWAYS abusive. So asking that on a first date or even insisting that in order to date you, a man has to be your friend firstly and spend three months building a friendship with you and asking them a series of questions about their lifestyles and what they like before hand will help you sort through the crazies and keep yourself safe. I found I had to tell guys who wanted to date me that we had to be friends for 3 months before they could take me on a date. In that three months I ask them all sorts of questions about what they are like as a person before I go out with them. It's safer and it's helped me sort out the abusers. Especially since most abusers can keep up the act of being a super great guy for about one month to six weeks and then the wearing the mask gets old for them and they start being the true Dr. Jekyl/MR. Hyde personality. Also watch how they treat other people, if they treat their mother like garbage, they will usually treat YOU like that too at some point. Studying signs on men who have anti-social personality disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help you pick them out too. Many abusers have those personality disorders.

Hope that helps! And I'm proud of you for escaping that evil beast. It takes a lot of courage and self-worth to get away from that! You're stronger than you know and you're an example to other women in abusive relationships and situations! Thanks for sharing your feelings and situation! That was courageous too!
 
I was married to a man like that and it just destroyed me too. Didn't help that I came from a family who treated me badly too. So I DO understand what you are going through and what it was like for you. You are not alone in that at all! I also found that Ponies made me feel better as I was trying to heal from the abuse. Not sure why but it helps. So keep going girlie, you're on the right path! PM me if you need someone to talk to. I've been through the whole abuse cycle, but my ex was all forms of abusive. Not just emotion/verbal. I unfortunately have children with my ex so it's impossible to get away from him completely and my children are forced by the court system to live with him due to the divorce. It's a cruel and unfair world we live in. Thank goodness for people like our ponyfriends who are super nice and supportive! Pony friends are the best!

If I may give you some advice? I found that abusers were attracted to me because of my sweet personality type, you probably are attractive to them because you're so nice. So it's important to get educated on how to "spot" them when they come around. There are lots of websites that will give you "red flag" type lists of abusive tendencies and little things that abusers do that give away that they are like that. I had to start researching it so I could avoid getting back into that situation with someone new who was just as abusive as my ex. Those abusive personality types seem to have a "sense" for people who make good victims. If you don't want to be a victim again, getting educated is just about the only way to avoid it, so you can cut them off before they can get deeply into your life and cause you more problems. Also, I noticed that when I talked to new men I was dating and told them how I had been a victim, it was like something triggered in their heads that said "Oh that means I can do that to you too and get away with it." Then I was dealing with trying to dump a new abusive jerk again and again. It sucks! But you may have to start baiting dates with questions like that to see how they deal with it. And another thing, I noticed that men who were into BDSM, who were doms were ALWAYS abusive. So asking that on a first date or even insisting that in order to date you, a man has to be your friend firstly and spend three months building a friendship with you and asking them a series of questions about their lifestyles and what they like before hand will help you sort through the crazies and keep yourself safe. I found I had to tell guys who wanted to date me that we had to be friends for 3 months before they could take me on a date. In that three months I ask them all sorts of questions about what they are like as a person before I go out with them. It's safer and it's helped me sort out the abusers. Especially since most abusers can keep up the act of being a super great guy for about one month to six weeks and then the wearing the mask gets old for them and they start being the true Dr. Jekyl/MR. Hyde personality. Also watch how they treat other people, if they treat their mother like garbage, they will usually treat YOU like that too at some point. Studying signs on men who have anti-social personality disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help you pick them out too. Many abusers have those personality disorders.

Hope that helps! And I'm proud of you for escaping that evil beast. It takes a lot of courage and self-worth to get away from that! You're stronger than you know and you're an example to other women in abusive relationships and situations! Thanks for sharing your feelings and situation! That was courageous too!


Yes I've started to pick up on guys intentions and the way they treat others because I observe on how they are around their friends, family and animals especially. I've known some abusers who are straight out cruel to animals and try to harm them. It's very sick and it breaks my heart because animals trust us and look up to us as companions. I may get angry from time to time since I was abused but I go to my room whenever I feel moody to take a break from everyone. I'm very sensitive and emotional and I tend to pick up on other people's emotions. I'm starting to educate myself on psychopath's and abusive men, especially narcissistic's. I've never been open about my abuse to other men and I sort of hold back from telling them that. Anytime someone is rude or tries to boss me around though, I cut them off from my life and tell them I don't like being treated like that or won't put up with it. So once I do that, they know I'm not the kind of person who will tolerate it.

I've always been a sweet person and many people try to walk all over me and try to take advantage of me. As for right now I'm currently dating someone and I'll see how it goes. So far things are going great and it took me a long time before I could honestly trust him. He does know that I don't put up with certain things though and he's always very kind towards me. As for men who are into BDSM/yes a lot of them are abusive and I've have had met a few men who were into that who tried to control me and I simply told them, "No." I'd never want to go through that again or anybody else for that matter. People need to be appreciated and not talked too like they don't matter. I'll send you a pm sometime soon! Thanks for responding to my thread. It means a lot to me and I'd love to become friends with you! :satisfied:
 
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