My long, sad story

Gingerbread

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My bestest, sweet, good boy Frank passed away last Wednesday. I hadn't really been ready to share it right away and it's still a raw hurt at times but it's getting a little easier. It was sudden but I'm thankful he didn't suffer long. He was 15 years and a little over 2 months old. I'd noticed he seemed like he was losing weight recently though there was no change to his diet or lifestyle. So I took him to the vet and she did labwork. A few days later results came back with some off the charts liver enzymes and he had suddenly stopped wanting to eat. He was scheduled for a ultrasound a few days later, during this time he continued to not want to eat and even started throwing up most the food and water I could get in him. When they did his ultrasound they found his liver was all basically tumor. There wasn't even enough of it left to try to save with surgery. I was devastated and made the appt to end his suffering the next morning. At this point it had been a few days of him barely eating or drinking and he was so weak. That evening my husband and I spent the rest of the day just loving on him, we had blankets all spread out on the floor and we just laid there cuddling. I bought him a filet mignon and mashed potatoes but he could only move it around his mouth and then spit it out. That night my husband and I slept on the floor with him. We had him in his dog bed which was up by our heads. Sometime in the middle of the night I felt him maneuver his was down, which I'm impressed he could to, he was so weak he couldn't really stand but somehow while we were sleeping he made his way off his bed and laid against me with his head in the crook of my neck, this woke me up though I dared not move, I wanted him to stay there forever. I pet him snuggled like that until we feel back asleep. Then he turned his head to my husband which woke him up and he started petting him. Frank was laying against me with his head on my hand when my husband woke me up and said he thought Frank was passing. I left him laying on my hand, against me and pet him with my other hand while my husband and I spoke softly to him how he was such a loved, sweet boy and as we pet him his breaths slowly stopped and then his heart. It was the most peaceful, beautiful way he could have gone even though it broke our hearts. We love him so much but him finding the strength to come off his bed and come down to us to die makes me feel like he must've really loved us too. We cried and held him before wrapping him up in his favorite blanket. I'm so thankful he went the way he did and saved me the pain of having to make the decision for him. I'm glad he went at home in his sleep, loved and cuddled with us. I'm also thankful that he didn't suffer, I wish there would have been signs something was wrong, maybe we could have done something sooner but he never acted sick. He went to the vet regularly, he had labs done periodically with dental cleanings and such, I don't feel like we fell short but he just never showed symptoms. I'm trying to focus on the knowledge that he lived a wonderful life, we got him as a puppy and he has pretty much been our child. We have no kids or other pets so it was all about Frank and he was spoiled and so loved. This also means that with him gone there is a gaping hole in our lives. For the past 15 years we've had our routines and such and now it's so obvious how much he impacted our days in so many little ways. I'm sure at some point another furbaby will find it's way into our lives but I can't imagine having to go through this every 10-15 years! This is the first time I've ever had to go through this myself, I just can't imagine doing it over and over again :( The days are still hard for us, there have been only a couple days I've made it without crying at some point but I hope it will get easier with time. There is so much to be happy about in every part of his life, even the end. I'm trying to remember to see it this way. A couple months ago I threw him a big 15th B-day party and one of the gifts we received was a certificate for a photographer session. We finally scheduled to do it the Sat before his ultrasound. This was one of his last good days, at this point we didn't know anything was really wrong and it was only 4 days later he was gone. I'm so glad we did this before he passed, it's bittersweet but I'm thankful to remember that as a good day <3

Here are a couple of the pictures of that day, I love his face. He looked like himself before he got so weak.

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This is him on his 1st Christmas and his 10th Christmas. He truly loved Christmas, I wish he could have made it through one more!

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Skybreeze

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Oh, my heart.

I am truly very sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet boy, Frank. The first few days, weeks even are the hardest after loosing a fur baby.

In my own personal opinion and experience, loosing a pet is a completely different experience than loosing a loved human. It’s been 1 year and three months since I said goodbye to Zephyr and I still have my moments when I miss that snort face so much I cry.

But it does get easier as time goes. Some things are triggers and you’ll still cry but you’ll also laugh a lot at all the wonderful memories you shared with Frank. He was so lucky to have you (and your husband) for his family for so many wonderful years. It sounds like you both gave him the very best you could, right up to the end.

I’m sending you my thoughts, love and little Clover and Fred kisses along to you both. <3

(Also, if you’re anything like me - another dog will snag your heart unexpectedly one day and he or she will allow you to love them again as you do Frank.)
 

Leave a Whisper

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Oh no! :sadpony: :xmashug:I'm so sorry this happened Gingerbread.
 

Larkspur

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I’m so very sorry for your loss, Gingerbread! He sounds like an amazing part of your family and he looks so sweet and happy in the photos. He definitely loves you! You are handling his loss beautifully—grieving, remembering and loving him, and being grateful that his passing was peaceful. Though the end came faster than you were expecting, he didn’t suffer from long illness and passed in his sleep with his family with him. That’s really the way most folks would like to go when the time comes. He was very fortunate to have you and he will always be in your heart. As time passes, the pain will decrease, to be replaced with fond memories. I know that probably doesn’t make this time easier, but you are doing great. Give yourself the time and space to grieve—it’s healthy. Big, big hugs!!! <3<3
 

MustBeJewel

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I'm so sorry for your loss Ginger <3 I lost my 16-year-old cat this spring, and I'm still stung by grief. Love you! <3
 

Winged Mirage

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I know the pain of losing a long-time pet. I never regret having pets, even when they pass, but it still hurts sometimes.

My last dog had his hips giving out when he was old, to the point where he could barely walk. One day me and my ex decided to walk in the woods together since he was sleeping. Now there’s a lot of woods behind my house, so walks are long.

That poor dog, who could barely walk, RAN all the way down to where we were because he wanted to be with us. It was a very slow walk back since he had an even harder time walking once the adrenaline wore off, but he wagged his tail anyway, even if he had to sit down a lot. I think it was about a month later when he couldn’t walk at all and had to be put down.

So never doubt how much a pet loves you.
 

tsukikakushi

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I'm so sorry Gingerbread; the loss of a furry friend is never easy. Just know that Frank was loved by so many; his happy little face touched all our hearts at one time or another.
Maybe he & Rogue got the chance to meet. I bet they'd have some crazy stories to tell each other.
❤❤
 

Skybreeze

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I'm so sorry Gingerbread; the loss of a furry friend is never easy. Just know that Frank was loved by so many; his happy little face touched all our hearts at one time or another.
Maybe he & Rogue got the chance to meet. I bet they'd have some crazy stories to tell each other.
❤❤
This made me think of all our beloved pets meeting up and talking about their crazy pony parents. :lolpony:

certainly a beautiful and comforting thought.
 

Skybreeze

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I truly hope we will all see them again <3
Unselfish me wants to say they’re reborn again for people who need them.

Selfish me says he’s waiting for me. But I have Fred now and he’s helped a lot in my grieving process. I just wish he spooned better, Zephyr was a pro. ;p

But I’ve been thinking about you and if you need to talk I’m here. <3
 

Tak

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I truly hope we will all see them again <3
I've had dreams where a pet that had passed visits me just to make sure I was ok during a very rough time. Like @Skybreeze (and "a dog's purpose") I like to think they come back when they are needed, but the shih tzu who came to check on me must have lingered a little to check on my siblings and I. Many say that your pet will await you on the other side of the rainbow bridge. I think that they always find a way to keep an eye on us. :xmashug: I've lost 22 animals of various species during my life, since we have always had animals in our family. It never gets easier, time was always the only help for me.
 

Ology

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So sorry for your loss.
 

Cactusflower

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I haven't been here for a few weeks, but I'm so sorry Gingerbread. Frank was the cutest doggo. All of us who have shared our lives with pets can understand the grief of losing them. I'm grateful that you, your husband and Frank were able to have a final night, filled with love. Having to make the decision to end suffering is a terrible position to be in and I'm glad you were saved this pain.

I've never been in a position to have a dog, but last year I lost my one, true love. His name was Doc and he was a little, brown quarter horse. I fell in love with him about 15 years ago. He was my friend's horse, but I shared a bond with him and that no person has been able to match. I miss him all the time.

It will get easier, but there will always be that loss. Remember all the happy times and rest your mind and heart knowing he had a good, happy life with you.
 
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