Should I say something or no (regarding gift(s))? (need to vent)

Baby Countdown

Baby Countdown

Teeny Tiny Baby Pony
Joined
Sep 5, 2014
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Good Afternoon,

Okay been reading through/catching up on the latest MLPTP happenings. And then got thinking... (non-mlp related) so I apologize in advance this post is long. Think I just need/want to get a stress off my chest and I guess... wondering if I should do something about it?

So it's in regards to gifts from family, for my kids & me (more so from my hubby's family). I guess this is where I am stuck whether I should and most likely will just leave it be or say something about it.

I have never been one to say no to a gift of any sort. But I find at times, that I really rather not receive a gift but cash or a gift card instead. Is this a common feeling for others?!

Personally I am quite money conscious (or at least I like to think that I am), where almost everything I buy for myself and my family (hubby & two kids) is usually second hand, on sale, or free (except grocery/food items, and whatever my hubby decides to by for himself clothing wise).

And today for example, I received a box of gifts for my kids as my youngest just turned one recently (gifts for both kids in the box)

(a) some won't fit at this point
(b) some I really don't need as I have tons
(c) rather they just sent cash or a gift card.

I guess I feel like I have missed out on deciding what my kids get to wear by someone else buying several clothing gifts for my kids. But also think if they (if his family members at least asked us (or me as I know what we have for clothing) or even my husband talked to his family more - like 'Hey just a fyi our kids now fit in size 4 and 2 but we have lots... and really don't need any.... until at least size 5 and 3'.

This is the same for toys (a toy for my youngest was also included) which is nice but all I want to do is return it and get something else. Ok feel like I am seriously jumping around as I type.

And then also had a time when I was shopping right with my hubby's mom for the kids (I of course had both kids with me at the time...) so I understand the intention is that I contribute to deciding what to get them. But seriously how the heck can I actively shop when I have two toddlers running around. So helped pick out maybe 6 things of the 20+ items purchased and $400+ spent. Yep $400, I have never spend that much money in my 30yrs of life even on myself in one store let alone an entire day. Yes I realize it's on two kids, and she saved up the money. But it could've been better utilized. Maybe that's my issue to, to see all this money spent when I would've spent it differently. Sigh

Okay I better stop, thank you all for listening/reading. Feel free to comment if you wish, any comments/suggestions are appreciated. And again another BIG Sigh!

~ Tammy
aka Baby Countdown
 
that's up to you and if you'd rather avoid an argument you could always regift them. people will get their feelings hurt, I've had mine hurt and I've hurt others by trying to kindly say no thank you, that's not my style.
 
I never say no to gifts, but often (especially where my boyfriend's mother and sister are concerned) I'd prefer to get cash than to get yet more clothes that I have no space for, or underwear that I frankly have too much of already... I got like $80 worth of clothing for my birthday between my two future in-laws, and of those, the only thing I wear often (in this case, to death) is a nightgown. I don't know why, but their go-to for birthday or Christmas presents is almost always clothing – granted, this is the only way I ever get new clothes, unless I need to buy an outfit specifically for an occasion, but I get enough hand-me-downs that I don't need them to buy me new stuff too. I'd prefer to use that money to go out to eat or to buy myself things that I want, not things they think I'd like or need. At the very least, I wish they'd buy me clothes that I actually DO want/need. But I will never tell them any of this, because I'm happy to even get gifts at all.
 
Thx guys, glad to hear I am not the only one :) And I most definitely won't mention it to them or to anyone that gives me anything as it is really the thought that counts. Just a bit unnerving is all and I agree with you whole heartedly ladyofthenight, would much rather have the cash to I can get (for myself - clothes, things, etc that I want & for my kids - clothes, things, etc that they need or want).

Thx again, ~ Tammy
 
Hi Tammy, its difficult for sure, I can relate. I'll never forget when my girls were little about 2 year olds, the Mother In Law went overseas to Prague, she brought back clothing for them big enough to fit adults. Hubby asked her , "Why did you buy something so big" and her response was just ridiculous and that there were no children in Prague.. She is the type of person that would just buy anything and put zero thought into it, or she would get them nothing and tell us how she was too busy to do shopping etc. She stopped buying for them many years ago, after I think he told her that "It might be alot easier for her to give them some $$ so they can buy what they would like. She jumped at that because then it meant she didnt have to go to the trouble of going to the store to buy them something.

I guess it depends whether or not you feel comfortable telling them that you would rather choose the gifts. Its a very individual thing, and I think that its great that they went to the trouble to send you a box of gifts, there is alot to be said for the thought, and from what you have said, they have been really thoughtful. Unlike my Mother in law, who can't even be bothered to go shopping for anything other than something for herself.
 
i've always preferred cash because being a collector, there's always stuff i truly want that family/friends wouldn't know how to buy me. if i'm asked on the spot what i want for a holiday gift i usually just say cash is best... but according to my upbringing, cash isn't a "good gift" so a lot of people get offended by the idea. i don't know if this is a southern usa thing or what...

there's not really a good way to say that you would prefer cash/gift cards and people will definitely get their feelings hurt but if it bothers you i think you might be glad after you talk to them about it.
 
Oh man, I totally get what you are saying. And it's mostly my fiance's family that is causing the trouble. My soon to be brother in law should not buy gifts period. He puts no thought into it whatsoever. Every year he asks what we all would like (we usually ask for a $10.00 item of some sort) and then ignores our requests and buys something really stupid like a $5.00 McDonalds gift card. And then he goes and blows thousands of dollars on useless stuff and can't understand why he is living in his Mother-in-law's house despite making 80,000 a year. This year I am telling him to please not send me gifts (with the excuse that I can't afford to ship him something back).

I'm lucky because my close family is pretty cool. They usually put some thought into gifts and it's always something I can use (like food, tea, candy, soap, etc).
 
Teen Mermaid said:
i've always preferred cash because being a collector, there's always stuff i truly want that family/friends wouldn't know how to buy me. if i'm asked on the spot what i want for a holiday gift i usually just say cash is best... but according to my upbringing, cash isn't a "good gift" so a lot of people get offended by the idea. i don't know if this is a southern usa thing or what...
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I don't know about it being a Southern USA thing, but I kind of feel the same way, moreso when we're on the topic of Christmas gifts. Not to the point I'd get offended, of course, but what happens nowadays is that some people barely have any money to spare on gifts, so they give cash instead of making some horrible mistake. ...Which I think comes from a bit of Portuguese mentality. The underlying directive is that a good gift should be expensive. If you can't afford an expensive gift, it's better to just give cash and the person will buy something they actually like. On one hand I don't mind, but on the other, I like being surprised. I like opening gifts on Christmas Eve. So while I do understand, part of me can't help but be a little sad.
That said, one thing I really do not stand is clutter. And lately I've been getting gifts and small trinkets that can only be classified as such. The idea of throwing stuff in the trash, especially things that have been gifted horrifies me, so I've got pretty good reasons to prefer cash. Not to mention that I never know what gifts people remember giving me... Kind of awkward getting asked "Hey, I gave you one of those once, didn't I?" And you either don't like it though its been standing in your room for an eternity (because you can't put it anywhere else), or you put it away and don't remember where it is.
I hope that made sense. I really need to have lunch.
 
Gotta say, I'm glad my family and in-laws at least put some thought into the gifts they buy us. And for the most part when it comes to clothes it's the size we wear or for the kids they can usually grow into, and only a few items (especially for my youngest) that definitely don't fit in which case I have usually exchanged for a higher size.

And for me, to receive gifts especially clothing it's usually about the only new thing I have in my wardrobe, so I really can't complain. But who needs a new pair of slippers every year? Like come on, I hardly ever even wear slippers. Out of all things I think this is going to be the one thing I mention to my family. Please for the love of god don't buy me any more slippers I already have well at this point 4 pairs including a perfectly good pair I have had for 10+years that have been spent mostly in the back of my closet.

Not sure if I could ever bring myself to outright tell someone that all I really want is cash, I usually try and put some thought into it when asked of 'what do I really want, that I wouldn't normally buy for myself, or what do my kids need (usually let me hubby fend for himself)'!

Been thinking this year I may do a 'Wish List' for my kids and give that out to family, that if they aren't sure of what to get the kids that hey here are a couple options :).
 
I think a wish list is a great idea, Tammy :)

I really do understand where you're coming from. As someone with numerous allergies, I get gifted so many things that I just -can't- use. I hear all the time that people consider gift cards and gift certificates to be impersonal, or lazy, etc, but it gives me a great freedom to purchase something I really do enjoy, and which I can actually use.

PrincessLio said:
That said, one thing I really do not stand is clutter. And lately I've been getting gifts and small trinkets that can only be classified as such. The idea of throwing stuff in the trash, especially things that have been gifted horrifies me, so I've got pretty good reasons to prefer cash. Not to mention that I never know what gifts people remember giving me... Kind of awkward getting asked "Hey, I gave you one of those once, didn't I?" And you either don't like it though its been standing in your room for an eternity (because you can't put it anywhere else), or you put it away and don't remember where it is.
Click to expand...

I am much the same way, Lio :) Maybe it's the Virgo in me, but I get overwhelmed by too many things that don't really serve a purpose.

Baby Countdown, if you can find a way to be polite but honest with your extended family, it might help a little. Sometimes just them overhearing you say something like, "Oh, I really need to get the kids a ____." or ".... but I want to pick it out myself, you know?" in a polite way might give them the idea.
 
I have asked for cash before from my In-Laws but never got it. Instead I got random gift cards to places I would never shop. I still have some of those come to think of it.....Anyways, I think people won't give cash because they want to feel like they are actually giving you something you won't or can't buy for yourself. That and TBH, they would much rather buy a $12 bath products set that drop $12 on your lap for fear that you will think that they are cheap. Plus I think people like to feel like they are in control of the money they spend on you.

Without ruffling feathers (hopefully) I suggest:
1. Asking them where they got the clothes because they are too small (say the kids have grown so big, etc.) , and you would like to get the correct size. If they tell you, you can go to the store yourself and do an exchange for whatever you like.
2. Thank them for thinking of you but kindly mention your kids have enough clothes (or whatever it is) and mention things they would like/need instead.
3. Politely tell them to ASK you before bringing things over. If they keep sending stuff over they think you need, it will become cluttered and you will become resentful (trust me). I felt a little nasty asking my In-Laws to do this but they understood. They were just trying to help.
4. Give up on cash. Perhaps ask them to go on a shopping trip, just you and the gift giver. Try to make it a joint effort (and without toddlers to wrangle) and you could potentially get more input on the purchases.
5. People are in control of their own money. If they want to waste their money buying expensive things, it's theirs to waste. Sometimes people just enjoy shopping. Is it stupid and wasteful? Yes. But it's theirs.
6. Extra Toys- sometimes I hoard these and put them in the closet. If they are still sealed and packaged they can be re-gifted OR if it's something several stores carry you can return the item for store credit. I've done this with duplicates and used the store credit for family member's birthday presents.

Not everyone will be happy if you ask for some of these things but I think you will feel a little better speaking up about it. Extra gifts and nonsense can make you feel out of control of your own kids' lives. But try to take a stand now and nip it in the butt. Or you've got 16+ more years of unwanted gift-giving. :rolleyes:

There is a long response to your supposedly long post. :p
 
Thanks for all the great suggestions guys! Muchly appreciated, and have regifted a few things, exchanged for store credit or a different size most often :)

Thx again,
Tammy
aka Baby Countdown
 
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