Worlds Apart into a Bookl.

RaphLuna

Teeny Tiny Baby Pony
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I love reading the Story of Lunarstar long ago. The Author is an Amazing Genius and the stories very creative

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Here is a link to read her creative stories


This is a piece of her chapter 1...
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At the house, a green male pony answered the door but he saw no one except for a Basket at his feet.

"Who's at the door?" a female pony asked from inside the house.

"You might want to look at this," the male Pony suggested.

A purple female pony walked to the door and saw a Basket. The Male pony slowly took off the pink silk cloth from the Basket as a white glow peeked out from under the cloth. To their great surprise, it was a pure white baby pony with a tiny horn and wings.

"A baby winged unicorn but I thought they didn't exist," said the Male Pony who still couldn't believe what he was seeing.

The two ponies looked at each other wondering what to do with her. The Female wanted to keep the baby pony and smiled at the Male pony. He saw her smile and knew what she was thinking, "I don't know..."

"We could adopt her," the female suggested.

"It's not going to be easy hiding her horn and wings," the Male Pony answered back.

"I'm sure you'll think of something," replied the Female. She grabbed the Basket in her mouth and walked inside with him.
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This piece alone desperately needs a makeover. ( I too suffered from the same problem With Blossom and the Dragon. ) My Professional Editor Katie has been a lifesaver. My novel is in WIP state, however. Friend's we are here to cheer motivate and encourage our friend with her dream to turn it into a reality.

So in honor of all you that motivated and inspired me to break free from the fandom and create my own world. I want to help another with a similar dream to make hers come true. So I did a makeover. She is by no means obligated to use it. If she wants to. She is free to do so this is a gift to her to get yer started on the trail to creative Authorship.

So onto the upgrade.
.......

The young couple prepared for relaxing snuggles on the sofa as they indulged in some delightful biscuits and tasty jasmine tea. Their peaceful moment suddenly interrupted by a loud rapping at the door.

"Not worry my darling wife, I will take care of it." The stallion placed his teacup on the coffee table as he got up off the couch and hurried off to answer. He opened the door and poked out his head. His eyes tilted from side to side. "Hello is someone there." He Shouted. His ears swiftly perked up as it caught the sudden sound of soft little whimpers. He looked down at the step. His eyes widen to something moving inside a little basket.

Who's at the door?" The mare asked curiously.

"You might want to come out and look at this," the stallion called out to his wife.

The mare swiftly walked towards her husband as he bent down. A white glow cast out from under the fabric as he slowly took off the pink silk cloth from the Basket. Their eyes widen to sudden shock and disbelief to what they saw.

"A... A.. baby winged unicorn but they only exist in fairy tales and make-believe." the stallion stuttered as his eyes gazed in disbelief.

The mare picked up the basket in her hooves as her husband darted his eyes outward at the front yard. "What kind of mare would do such a thing." He spoke in concern. " Dropping off a newborn at a stranger's house like that, it's wreckers and dangerous?"

"Perhaps it was an unplanned pregnancy. She probably got scared. Afraid she would be judged having a foal out of wedlock." The mare spoke softly as she placed the basket on the coffee table and scooped the foal into her hooves. "Regardless of her reasons. We should not judge her mother for doing such a thing. Perhaps she walked the neighborhood many times wondering who she could trust to care for her foal." The mares tears pooled at the thought of the infant's mother crying herself to sleep living with the guilt and pain of being forced to let her newborn go.

The stallion eyes looked onward at the infant curled into a tiny little ball in his wife's hooves. "I wonder what those strange markings on her flank mean." He muttered under his breath as he took a seat on the sofa. "Well, what are we going to do."

The mare's eyes gazed at the tiny newborn in her hooves. Her heart melted into a pile of butter. "Well adopt her." She smiled as tears of liquid love trailed down her cheeks.

"What. How," her husband snapped as he sprang up out of his seat "when the authorities inspect her health they will discover her horn and wings. Then they will start swarming us with questions.”

"Well, what do you suggest we do." The mare cried. " just leave her alone out in the woods. She won't survive the wild creatures prowling about."

The stallion walked up to his wife. "We don't have much of a choice. What if her deformities were the reason the mother abandoned the infant in the first place."

"If that were true she would have left her Foal in the woods to die." The mare sobbed." She brought her baby to our doorstep for a reason. She knew deep down we would do the best we can for her foal."

The stallion walked over to the window and peered outward. His eyes watched as the fireflies danced in the moons nightly glow." It's not going to be easy to cover her oddities from everyone." He sighed. "and there is no guarantee the authorities will allow us to adopt her. Especially with the higher up's having the influence to get what they want."

"I know, but we will try. We can argue that her mother chose us." The mare protested in defense.

"But we have no evidence to prove this. For all, we know she could be stolen." He frowned as he glanced back at the foal. "If it wasn't for those wings and horns this would be much easier."

The mares mane brushed pass the foals' tiny nose. The filly wrinkled her little muzzle as she let out a tiny cute little sneeze. Her body began to cast off a white shiny glow. Her horn and wings faded out of sight as her mane and tail changed into a hew of purple. The tiny filly let out a small yawn as she cuddled close to the chest of the mare. Her little ears perked up as they tuned into the thumping heartbeat of the mare.

The couples Eyes widened in bewilderment. Not sure if it was just the trick of the light.

The stallion bruised his hoof over his mane. “How the heck."

The mare lost for words not sure how the foal was able to shift her appearance so fast. She looked up at her husband and smiled. “Well, that takes care of her horns and wings."

"Yeah but what about that weird mark on her flank?" He swiftly pointed out to his wife.

The mare eyes glance down at the foal's tiny rump. "What Mark?"

The stallion walked close to his wife's side and peered down at the infant's blank flank. His eyes widen in confusion. "I'm sure she had a mark on her flank."

The mare cuddled close to the foal as her tears subsided and her face lit up with a joyful smile. "Oh my husband she cried, now we have a good chance at the adoption being successful."

"Yeah, but what if her wings and horn come back?" He spoke as he kept practical.

"well, we will worry about it when the time comes." His wife smiled as she hurried off to their bedroom, with the tiny foal in her hooves.
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she did give me word that in chapter 73 this Explains how they concealed her powers.


So I did a read over and pointed out flaws in the story.

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I find it odd that not too long after they had their foal in their lives they moved to a brand new town. Why the sudden move. Were they afraid the mother would have a change of heart and go back for her foal? Were they in trouble with the law? Was the economy in a slump and the father struggled to find work? What was the sudden motivation to move and how did they manage to make it not look to conspicuous?

Another thing How did they manage to conceal the foal from the curious neighbor's. I'm sure someone paid them a visit when they moved into their new neighborhood. Perhaps the foal slept through each visit?

Its afternoon and the father is out with friends. I'm concerned how come he is not at work? Did he win the lottery and he is on early retirement with his family? Perhaps its the weekend. What no questions why his wife does on attend the outings. Is she shy. A neat freak who obsessed in cleaning. Perhaps she has an allergy and has to stay inside. Maybe she has an embarrassing scar.

The magazine bit was cute, the mother panics when she hears a knock at the door she put the foal in the room with the magazines. So adorable

She rips them to pieces I can see that happening. so cute and funny.

How did dreamer know Rosebud did not move into the home with a baby? Was he spying on the family as they moved in?

Dreamer spotted the alicorn and tries to tell his mother. She is not concerned about the baby giggles, why? did his mother know about Rosebud's baby already? If not well then my suggestion would be to have her first lecture him about telling fibs for attention. Then perhaps have her son pull on her arm to follow him into the playroom. This will be a wiser Move.

So the mother and her son see an Earth pony with a pink body and orange hair. The mother is surprised
Yet the mother did not question Rosebud how come she never brought her baby outside to play with the other foals. Perhaps she could have said her foal was ill and had to be kept inside until the doctor gave her the green light that she was well enough to go outside just saying.

I can see the mom apologize for her son's rude behavior and be vexed at him for making up stories.

The parents later discover she can change her appearance by looking at ponies in magazines. Okay so if she sees a duck can she changes into a duck? Or is her magic limited to only turn her horn and wings invisible and change her body and hair color? what about her eyes do they change too or remain the same?

her parents decide what colors they want her mane tail and body to be. And settle on white body purple mane tail. Wouldn't the mom question where is her pink and orange hair foal is. Perhaps she had twins and one passed away? Maybe it was the side effects of the foal medication, and part of the reason she did not venture outside with the foal.

If Lunarstar forgot the picture and changed back to an alicorn. how did they manage to keep her in the idea image they wanted her to stay in.

Now with word of the couple having a foal. How about all the moms on the block with their foal wouldn't they swarm over for playdates? And what about the pressure to her to attend an outing with the infant?

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Pointing out problems in the story is not gloom and doom in fact its very useful.

Even my editor Points out problems within my written works and it really helps me out to give the pieces extra though and improve the written work.

granted if she plans to make this her own she will have to redo pony designs to totally stand out or come up with creative species names.

Fellow Fans of Creativity. Those who Love Rich Storytelling. And People of Positive Energy lets Cheer Motivate Encourage Flying Pony

To Turn Worlds Apart into A Book that She can Call her own earn a living doing what she loves to do.


Let's send her everything we got. weather its tips, advice. Or even beta read some of her chapters and points out the part's that needs extra work. Even if you just want to pop in and wish her luck. No matter the help big or small. Whether you want to send words of encouragement of pop In and say you can do this.

Come on Pony fans we can help her rise to success

She gave us years of her life writing beautiful stories

Let's give her something back even if its a Thank you. Every bit counts.

Who's with me! Km
 
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