It is with the greatest of old-timey dramatics and heaviness in our hearts that we must announce the Coyote God's most fiendish trick yet, with the untimely and tragic loss of one of our wagon party members.
Let it be known that on this (that) day, the wagon party attempted to ford the Snake River by caulking the wagon and floating it across the treacherous current. Even though the party rested for 3 days waiting for conditions to improve and used 7 pelts to waterproof the wagon, the entire party was swiftly swept away in the unforgiving depths.
We remember today our dear "paranoid, dimwitted" missionary, Nikki, who initially survived the crossing, swam ashore, crawled up the bank of the river, stood up, and promptly died.
Life is fleeting, but dysentery is eternal.
RIP wagon party member Nikki.