I was married to a man like that and it just destroyed me too. Didn't help that I came from a family who treated me badly too. So I DO understand what you are going through and what it was like for you. You are not alone in that at all! I also found that Ponies made me feel better as I was trying to heal from the abuse. Not sure why but it helps. So keep going girlie, you're on the right path! PM me if you need someone to talk to. I've been through the whole abuse cycle, but my ex was all forms of abusive. Not just emotion/verbal. I unfortunately have children with my ex so it's impossible to get away from him completely and my children are forced by the court system to live with him due to the divorce. It's a cruel and unfair world we live in. Thank goodness for people like our ponyfriends who are super nice and supportive! Pony friends are the best!
If I may give you some advice? I found that abusers were attracted to me because of my sweet personality type, you probably are attractive to them because you're so nice. So it's important to get educated on how to "spot" them when they come around. There are lots of websites that will give you "red flag" type lists of abusive tendencies and little things that abusers do that give away that they are like that. I had to start researching it so I could avoid getting back into that situation with someone new who was just as abusive as my ex. Those abusive personality types seem to have a "sense" for people who make good victims. If you don't want to be a victim again, getting educated is just about the only way to avoid it, so you can cut them off before they can get deeply into your life and cause you more problems. Also, I noticed that when I talked to new men I was dating and told them how I had been a victim, it was like something triggered in their heads that said "Oh that means I can do that to you too and get away with it." Then I was dealing with trying to dump a new abusive jerk again and again. It sucks! But you may have to start baiting dates with questions like that to see how they deal with it. And another thing, I noticed that men who were into BDSM, who were doms were ALWAYS abusive. So asking that on a first date or even insisting that in order to date you, a man has to be your friend firstly and spend three months building a friendship with you and asking them a series of questions about their lifestyles and what they like before hand will help you sort through the crazies and keep yourself safe. I found I had to tell guys who wanted to date me that we had to be friends for 3 months before they could take me on a date. In that three months I ask them all sorts of questions about what they are like as a person before I go out with them. It's safer and it's helped me sort out the abusers. Especially since most abusers can keep up the act of being a super great guy for about one month to six weeks and then the wearing the mask gets old for them and they start being the true Dr. Jekyl/MR. Hyde personality. Also watch how they treat other people, if they treat their mother like garbage, they will usually treat YOU like that too at some point. Studying signs on men who have anti-social personality disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help you pick them out too. Many abusers have those personality disorders.
Hope that helps! And I'm proud of you for escaping that evil beast. It takes a lot of courage and self-worth to get away from that! You're stronger than you know and you're an example to other women in abusive relationships and situations! Thanks for sharing your feelings and situation! That was courageous too!