How do you divide household chores?

[Gingerbread]

So, I'm looking for some suggestions. Hubby and I have been married over 10 years and in the beginning we would share the house cleaning chores. Every weekend we would spend a couple hours in the morning cleaning the house. Then I ended up working a job that had kind of early hours (worked 6:30-2:30) and since hubby still worked until 6:00pm I sort of took over running all the errands and started doing some of the cleaning during the week to free up more of our weekend. At the time I didn't really mind it, I could come home do a few things, fix dinner and still have some time to put my feet up and have a little nap before he even got home. It was this way for a few years.
But all good things end and I ended up getting a better job but with to more regular hours, now I work 8:30-4:30 and hubby gets home around 5:00.
I've been at this job for 6 years now and somehow the household chore responsibility hasn't ever shifted back to an even division. I find that I'm the only one doing the cooking and almost all the cleaning, all the time and I feel myself getting a little resentful. I think what bothers me is if I see something that needs to be cleaned I just do it, hubby however doesn't take that initiative. He will clean something if I ask him too...eventually but I usually have to ask him multiple times which makes me feel like a nag and irritates me in the first place cause you see it needs cleaning so I shouldn't have to ask you in the first place. No one asks me, I just see it and do it.
By nature he is a messy person and doesn't pick up after himself so I understand to him it's no big deal but I'm a little OCD and I like everything nice and tidy. He is very helpful around the house in other ways, he's handy and always fixes everything but the house needs cleaning a lot more than it needs fixing so that still doesn't seem even.
We're going to have to have a talk about this and I'm just waiting to do it when I'm not in a bad mood about it. I'm thinking since he doesn't seem to just take the initiative on his own we need a system or schedule, so I'm wondering how do you guys handle it??

 

[dragonkiss207]

We try to split things evenly, but it doesn't always work out. If I cook, he does the dishes; he loads the dish washer and I empty it or vice versa. When we do heavy duty cleaning on the weekends, we split up the rooms, so we'll have 3 rooms each. My husband does not like unexpected cleaning duties, and I found that he works much more enthusiastically if I ask him at least a day ahead of time to do something. I am totally a nag about getting stuff done but I have to remember that he doesn't work the same way I do, so we try to compromise for each other. It's never really even in one period of cleaning, but it seems to work out fairly over time. Maybe try making a schedule with rotating duties? My man loves it when stuff is on the calendar, so maybe other guys do too?

 

[evilbunnyfoofoo]

I tend to do most of the house work, but it seems fair to me. My spouse works away from home and is only here Friday evening to Sunday evening the she's gone. I'd much rather do the work myself and have all the time with her while she's here. However, if we were both at home,then I'd want some assistance. While I. Don't get paid for running the sanctuary, it's a good deal of work,mending fences, hauling hay, tending plants and critters.

I do have my son here though and I expect him to help. Like so many males he doesn't just DO things when he sees they need doing. I don't understand why, but that's just how he is. In his case I make him a list of what I feel is a pretty fair share. I see his college stuff as his job too, so I make sure he has plenty of time for that as well. I make him alist of what I expect from him each few days. Like dragonkiss207's hubby he also likes calendars. Must be a guy thing.

He can just. Do it I any order he wants, all in one day or over the course of the appointed days, but he knows I expect it to get done.

Definitely let your husband know you're unhappy. It isn't fair for it to all fall on you. He needs to get back in the swing of things and do what he sees needs doing when here's it, not expecting you to shoulder the whole load.

 

[h1m3.]

I think a good way is to give your hubby a list or always "notice" that tomorrow you need to clean etc. I myself hate when someone tells me to clean. For example I am just about thinking to start claning the dishes but then my bf ask "can you do the dishes?" after that I feel like no way and all that eargeness I did have vanishes if slipt of seconds.. If I get notice well before then it is not such big deal. I do not know why I'm like this.. Maybe I do not like to do what people tells me to do...
My bf has same deals with cleaning chores. you should have seen his apartment when we started dating.. Gross! There was two years old milk in his refrigerator and it was not the worst part... I needed to nag and nag him about cleaning, has now learned the basic

 

[Marble Dragon]

I feel the same way sometimes. So I usually wait to do the chores until he is home and available, then tell him I am going to clean such and such can he please come and help me. As long as he's not doing anything important, he can't find a good excuse to not help and so we both get the chores done.

I hope it works out for you. Let us know the outcome.

 

[Gingerbread]

Well of course, I complain about this here on the forum and I'm thinking ok, we're totally having a sit down and talking about this and what happens...my car broke down as soon as I pulled into the parking lot at work yesterday and bless his heart he took the day off, had it towed to the house and spent all day replacing my radiator and fan and got it working again so I wouldn't have to be without my car and then over the weekend my elliptical broke (metal bar literally broke in half ) and he spent the afternoon after he got home from work tonight welding it back together for me So now I feel like I may have to wait a week or two cause he certainly hasn't been just sitting on his butt like usual LOL But just because I've happened to have a bunch of stuff hit the fan right now isn't going to make this avoidable, we will be resolving this, just maybe not after he's had to do a bunch of stuff for me LOL

 

[tulagirl]

My husband and I have always done things together until my disability took a turn for the worse and now he actually does more than me. He is messy, I am more organized but, I am not a neat freak at all. So, things get a little messy around here and eventually we try to tackle it together. I can only do little things so, he has to do the major stuff. I have always felt bad about that. He knew it would be like that though even before we were married he was helping me because I was in the hospital a lot with kidney issues.