Red vs. Blue

[Tak]

Red being collectors and blue being hoarders. I was accused of being a hoarder recently. My reasoning as to why I believe I'm not... I have all my lovely ponies displayed, I talk to and brush them frequently, and my home is clean by most American standards. Obsessively so. So is it a problem or a hobby? I do admit that I'm a bit compulsive sometimes with my pony purchases, however, I don't have duplicates and love pony shopping for others. The person accusing me has thousands of paperback books stored in her garage, a literal wall of giant totes filled with fabrics (10'x10'), and enough yarn to crochet ten or more full size blankets. I've never said anything about her stashes. As long as it's safe physically, I never will.
So. What is your opinion on the difference? I've always thought of hoarders as being unable to let go to a degree that it may be physically unhealthy.

Do you have any input as to defining these closely related terms?

 

[The Cleo Collector]

If your not the Collyer Brother I think your golden.
Also displaying and keeping a collection clean does not sound like hoarding to me.
My mom says the same about my stuff. While she has ton of project just laying around. But I am the hoarder.

 

[Leave a Whisper]

Hoarding is obsession to the point where you neglect cleanliness, space, happiness, health, loved ones and money. Collecting is when you can give or sell, make sure the above needs mentioned come first, exert self-control and are usually happy.

 

[Tak]

I have a problem sometimes if something triggers a manic episode. I do have precautions to help even if that happens, though. I worry about the lines since I do have mental health issues. When I had my break, I purged my belongings. I still do once or twice a year now. I feel like it's the opposite of hoarding. I can't let my stuff own me.

 

[Sunshine Sam]

I collect things and display them inside my room. Anytime I make a purchase of something I want, I see where I can put it first and if it'll be suitable to add to my collection. My room is very clean, I make my bed every day and I even vacuum my room. My mother tends to go inside my room and complain that she can't see the whole beauty of my room because I have my collection on my shelf's or near my bed side that has my lamp on it. A hoarder has a mess everywhere and it's not clean at all. It seems like you're doing fine. So I wouldn't worry about it. If you're worried you could always put a few away and display them around a certain time a year. It's just a suggestion though.

Understand manic completely since I suffer with bipolar and I used to just buy things and not think a thing about it. Now I stop and think, before I purchase something. There's many ponies that I want to collect and buy. So I made a list of ponies that I'd like to own and add to my collection. Now every so often I'll purchase one when things are going great for me and when I do something good for somebody else. Ponies are like a treat for myself. So anytime I buy a pony, I think to myself: I did a good job and the pony adds that much more of an importance for when I purchase it.

 

[Tak]

I collect things and display them inside my room. Anytime I make a purchase of something I want, I see where I can put it first and if it'll be suitable to add to my collection. My room is very clean, I make my bed every day and I even vacuum my room. My mother tends to go inside my room and complain that she can't see the whole beauty of my room because I have my collection on my shelf's or near my bed side that has my lamp on it. A hoarder has a mess everywhere and it's not clean at all. It seems like you're doing fine. So I wouldn't worry about it. If you're worried you could always put a few away and display them around a certain time a year. It's just a suggestion though.

Understand manic completely since I suffer with bipolar and I used to just buy things and not think a thing about it. Now I stop and think, before I purchase something. There's many ponies that I want to collect and buy. So I made a list of ponies that I'd like to own and add to my collection. Now every so often I'll purchase one when things are going great for me and when I do something good for somebody else. Ponies are like a treat for myself. So anytime I buy a pony, I think to myself: I did a good job and the pony adds that much more of an importance for when I purchase it.

I'm 35 and have been on ssdi since before my daughter was born. She's 8. She was the first and only grandchild until last year. Since I have a form of cancerous tumors that will kill me at some point I made sure to have a will legally made to determine where my daughter goes if the worst happens. She was 2 when I did that and since I'm the only person on her birth certificate I thought it important to keep her out of foster care. So I named my parents and sister, as her only nearby family, as her guardian choices. At that point my mother decided she should know her grandchild. When my grandfather passed he left my father money and they used it to buy us a house. So I have an entire home to display around and my mom doesn't live here. She's my landlord. They did it because otherwise we'd be lucky to get a one bedroom apartment on our income. They did it for my daughter. So, my mother doesn't even have to see the house if she doesn't want to.

As for the mania. I keep a strict budget. I locked my credit cards in a safe. So I always have to think and re-think before using them. I also had to buy a rather expensive fence, a tooth, some out of state medical bills, and an urgent vet visit that take work to pay off. I have a good size co-pay for in home care who drives me to appointments and the grocery store.

Now you're all tmi.

 

[bluerose9978]

Perhaps the person was tongue in cheek when they suggested you were hoarding? I would not take them seriously. Most people collect something. My husband has a die-cast car collection (My dad does as well). So, don't be ashamed of your collection.

My husband is a police officer and he's been in houses where hoarders live. They are unclean. They usually have 50 cats and feces all over the floor. Or they have junk all over the floor and you can't move and the house is so dirty because it hasn't been cleaned in years and the house should be condemned. Those people have given up on life because they haven't cleaned their houses in so long they don't remember how. They have mental illnesses and become recluses. You don't belong in this category.

 

[Tak]

Perhaps the person was tongue in cheek when they suggested you were hoarding? I would not take them seriously. Most people collect something. My husband has a die-cast car collection (My dad does as well). So, don't be ashamed of your collection.

My husband is a police officer and he's been in houses where hoarders live. They are unclean. They usually have 50 cats and feces all over the floor. Or they have junk all over the floor and you can't move and the house is so dirty because it hasn't been cleaned in years and the house should be condemned. Those people have given up on life because they haven't cleaned their houses in so long they don't remember how. They have mental illnesses and become recluses. You don't belong in this category.

Thanks. I have mental illness and I'm a recluse, but I couldn't ever live in a mess. I have one friend and her mother is a hoarder. She (the friend's mother) is older than my parents so her parents made it through the depression and back then it was common to hold onto everything just in case they could re-purpose, re-use, trade, or sell. Everything was so hard to obtain that they couldn't give anything up. Since my friend's mother grew up in that environment it was only natural that she would develop the same habits. It's had a major impact on my friend's life and the way she raises her own children.

 

[Leave a Whisper]

I'm 35 and have been on ssdi since before my daughter was born. She's 8. She was the first and only grandchild until last year. Since I have a form of cancerous tumors that will kill me at some point I made sure to have a will legally made to determine where my daughter goes if the worst happens. She was 2 when I did that and since I'm the only person on her birth certificate I thought it important to keep her out of foster care. So I named my parents and sister, as her only nearby family, as her guardian choices. At that point my mother decided she should know her grandchild. When my grandfather passed he left my father money and they used it to buy us a house. So I have an entire home to display around and my mom doesn't live here. She's my landlord. They did it because otherwise we'd be lucky to get a one bedroom apartment on our income. They did it for my daughter. So, my mother doesn't even have to see the house if she doesn't want to.

As for the mania. I keep a strict budget. I locked my credit cards in a safe. So I always have to think and re-think before using them. I also had to buy a rather expensive fence, a tooth, some out of state medical bills, and an urgent vet visit that take work to pay off. I have a good size co-pay for in home care who drives me to appointments and the grocery store.

Now you're all tmi.

:xmashug:

 

[bluerose9978]

Thanks. I have mental illness and I'm a recluse, but I couldn't ever live in a mess. I have one friend and her mother is a hoarder. She (the friend's mother) is older than my parents so her parents made it through the depression and back then it was common to hold onto everything just in case they could re-purpose, re-use, trade, or sell. Everything was so hard to obtain that they couldn't give anything up. Since my friend's mother grew up in that environment it was only natural that she would develop the same habits. It's had a major impact on my friend's life and the way she raises her own children.

It's sad when someone becomes a hoarder. Recently in the news, police here went into a house and removed 50 dogs that were covered in fleas and I think 3-5 young children with flea bites all over. They were trying to find homes for all of the dogs that this family hoarded and had to turn over the kids to CPS. They also had to condemn the house because it was so bad with all of the hoarding of animals that it was unlivable and unsalvagable. That is what I think of when I think of a hoarder. I have family members who have messy homes because they can't get rid of anything because "it belonged to their grandparents." But it just sits in their basement and rots. They are on the hoarding train for sure. You just have to know when enough is enough and know when to get rid of things you don't need. I'm constantly getting rid of things I don't need anymore. And I think that's important. Unfortunately, some of my family members love to give gifts of things I don't need.

 

[Tak]

It's sad when someone becomes a hoarder. Recently in the news, police here went into a house and removed 50 dogs that were covered in fleas and I think 3-5 young children with flea bites all over. They were trying to find homes for all of the dogs that this family hoarded and had to turn over the kids to CPS. They also had to condemn the house because it was so bad with all of the hoarding of animals that it was unlivable and unsalvagable. That is what I think of when I think of a hoarder. I have family members who have messy homes because they can't get rid of anything because "it belonged to their grandparents." But it just sits in their basement and rots. They are on the hoarding train for sure. You just have to know when enough is enough and know when to get rid of things you don't need. I'm constantly getting rid of things I don't need anymore. And I think that's important. Unfortunately, some of my family members love to give gifts of things I don't need.

One thing my family's good at is not giving useless gifts. It's only a trouble with my parents since they either have what they need/want or it's too expensive for me to get them. So I tend to give them a clean car or lunch out. I've been explicitly told no knick knacks or collectables. I did manage to find a picture of the submarine my dad used to be on, got it blown up, and framed. They get me the things I ask for like pjs, my vacuum, and dinner out.

 

[Skycakes]

I definately dont fit that catogory. All my stuff is piled high in boxes neatly. Everthing is off the floor I keep things rather clean though I am not a neat freak. I think people who collect often worry about this its normal. Though its not normal when you put your collection in the place of family.

 

[Tak]

I definately dont fit that catogory. All my stuff is piled high in boxes neatly. Everthing is off the floor I keep things rather clean though I am not a neat freak. I think people who collect often worry about this its normal. Though its not normal when you put your collection in the place of family.

What if your family doesn't want you?

 

[Skycakes]

What if your family doesn't want you?

Then you adopt Pony people as your family. :/

 

[tulagirl]

I keep a lot of my collections hidden in cabinets and in bins where I can take them out as I want to mess with them. I don't need stuff like this from family members at all. My mother would never say anything like that but, my step father would. I have no relationship with my read dad for safety reasons. I doubt he would bother me though since he is a collector of stuff himself. To me a hoarder just piles stuff up in their home. They never clean the home, they hoard everything they see even trash. You can't walk through a hoarder's home and a hoarder finds it impossible to throw anything away. I have read that the central emotional root of this is extreme loss that one never can quite get over. I am always putting stuff in storage, then throwing stuff away and my house is clean. I have a lot of stuff, but recently we paid someone to clear out a lot of toy bins that I wasn't really doing anything with and they are stored at another location. This gives me the ability to have free and clear living space and my collections that mean the most to me all have a home, they are organized and I know where they are. So, this is not a hoarding problem with me. It might be obsessive to love toys to the extent my husband and I do, but we keep as much of them as we can displayed well and in places where they do not create tons of clutter in our home. Our home is small, so it is easy for it to look cluttered, but all the same we try very hard to keep it clean. So, this is my take on hoarding. I have a dear friend that is a hoarder and the emotional attachment she has to her things and the boxes they came in and even the tags on stuff is over the top. I could not help her because, she was not willing to put one single thing in the trash and was angry and in tears at the thought. Bless her heart I know why she is like this, but I am helpless to help her as I didn't realize she had gone this far. She lost all three of her children as a result. She works and tries very hard to have a normal life, but she could not keep her children. They have suffered for not having their mother and now all are in college.

 

[Tak]

I keep a lot of my collections hidden in cabinets and in bins where I can take them out as I want to mess with them. I don't need stuff like this from family members at all. My mother would never say anything like that but, my step father would. I have no relationship with my read dad for safety reasons. I doubt he would bother me though since he is a collector of stuff himself. To me a hoarder just piles stuff up in their home. They never clean the home, they hoard everything they see even trash. You can't walk through a hoarder's home and a hoarder finds it impossible to throw anything away. I have read that the central emotional root of this is extreme loss that one never can quite get over. I am always putting stuff in storage, then throwing stuff away and my house is clean. I have a lot of stuff, but recently we paid someone to clear out a lot of toy bins that I wasn't really doing anything with and they are stored at another location. This gives me the ability to have free and clear living space and my collections that mean the most to me all have a home, they are organized and I know where they are. So, this is not a hoarding problem with me. It might be obsessive to love toys to the extent my husband and I do, but we keep as much of them as we can displayed well and in places where they do not create tons of clutter in our home. Our home is small, so it is easy for it to look cluttered, but all the same we try very hard to keep it clean. So, this is my take on hoarding. I have a dear friend that is a hoarder and the emotional attachment she has to her things and the boxes they came in and even the tags on stuff is over the top. I could not help her because, she was not willing to put one single thing in the trash and was angry and in tears at the thought. Bless her heart I know why she is like this, but I am helpless to help her as I didn't realize she had gone this far. She lost all three of her children as a result. She works and tries very hard to have a normal life, but she could not keep her children. They have suffered for not having their mother and now all are in college.

That's so sad about your friend. I've never had mess because it's one of the few things that I can control. I wouldn't let go of anything for the roughly ten years. I held on to what I had until my break. The incident with my parents when I was 17 was bad enough to trigger my grave's disease. In some ways my break was a good thing. My extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents) have all said that I ended up better for breaking with my family at a young age.

 

[tulagirl]

Yes it is, it was very hard on me to not be able to help her. I really wanted to and put a lot of effort into trying. I let go though as soon as I saw the anguish over a plastic cup. She would leave the Christmas tree up with all the wrapping paper where the kids left it, all the empty boxes were kept right where they were opened and she wasn't willing to throw that stuff away. I could not wrap my head around what she could possibly be wanting that for at first. The kids were not even playing with toys anymore. This was way over in their lives. Then I figured perhaps she was preserving the last family Christmas memory and it was so powerful for her since she loved those children so much. So much power in that loss that she couldn't part with it. Her son told me when he was about 20 years old that she still had the very same container of cool aid in the cabinet she had when he was 4. She never even cleaned out the food. Sometimes in life you think you have control and something happens and you lose everything you have. Its like water dripping through your hands. Life has to change and begin again and for some that never happens. It is like they are frozen in that one time and place and stuck forever. Sigh

 

[Tak]

Yes it is, it was very hard on me to not be able to help her. I really wanted to and put a lot of effort into trying. I let go though as soon as I saw the anguish over a plastic cup. She would leave the Christmas tree up with all the wrapping paper where the kids left it, all the empty boxes were kept right where they were opened and she wasn't willing to throw that stuff away. I could not wrap my head around what she could possibly be wanting that for at first. The kids were not even playing with toys anymore. This was way over in their lives. Then I figured perhaps she was preserving the last family Christmas memory and it was so powerful for her since she loved those children so much. So much power in that loss that she couldn't part with it. Her son told me when he was about 20 years old that she still had the very same container of cool aid in the cabinet she had when he was 4. She never even cleaned out the food. Sometimes in life you think you have control and something happens and you lose everything you have. Its like water dripping through your hands. Life has to change and begin again and for some that never happens. It is like they are frozen in that one time and place and stuck forever. Sigh

:xmashug:

 

[Elfpony]

I think many people have this reaction when they "discover" someone's collection. I've had friends whose reaction was along these lines. "Isn't it a problem that you live with 700+ ponies?!?!" What they don't realize is that my collection didn't spring fully formed into the world. I've been collecting for 20 years, it's been a gradual growth. But all they see is the sheer number of ponies and so they focus on "the mass". They spend money on things they love too, but that's not where their minds go.

Many good points about the differences between horders and collectors have already been listed. I'll also mention that collectors tend to know what they have in their collection because they're paying attention ( maybe not every little piece, but for the most part).

Elf

 

[Tak]

I think many people have this reaction when they "discover" someone's collection. I've had friends whose reaction was along these lines. "Isn't it a problem that you live with 700+ ponies?!?!" What they don't realize is that my collection didn't spring fully formed into the world. I've been collecting for 20 years, it's been a gradual growth. But all they see is the sheer number of ponies and so they focus on "the mass". They spend money on things they love too, but that's not where their minds go.

Many good points about the differences between horders and collectors have already been listed. I'll also mention that collectors tend to know what they have in their collection because they're paying attention ( maybe not every little piece, but for the most part).

Elf

I definitely know all the ponies I have and all my daughter's mh collection as well. I also won't let myself collect the accessories or playsets.

Also, at least in my case, the people who say I'm hoarding both have collections. One has over 1000 pig figurines, plushies, magnets, etc, and the other has the same only chickens.