- Joined
- Dec 26, 2015
- Messages
- 10,483
So. Tomorrow I get to have to big lymph nodes in my thyroid biopsied by fine needle aspiration, fna. My service dog just had a surgery and can't work until he's healed in hopefully another 6 weeks. My daughter I asked if she wanted to go and she hates needles so said "Ewing, no mom, please, it's gonna be so gross". My father will drive since I'm not allowed to drive myself home after. My caregiver is, once again, unable to help. My only friend has a work 12 days 6 days a week just to get by. Last year was horrible to her. So I get to go myself. I'm not worried about needles. Poke as many times as you want, makes no difference to me. My daily pain level is far higher than a silly little needle. I'm still nervous. I have hallucinations and really don't handle this hospital well. Too much history. My hallucinations are mostly like the imprints left by people experiencing strong negative feelings. It can be downright terrifying to hear, much less sight, scent, and the physical feel of them. I used to carry a twilight plushie with a hanger that I could clip her to my purse with. Last time I took her somewhere I noticed her entire head had busted open and I can't take her out now that she's had brain surgery and risk losing her. I've had the silly thing for 6 years. My new owl beanie boo clip is ok, but my daughter accidentally dropped and stepped on her while her ear was aching Sunday before her eardrum burst. She won't be clean in time. The grease needs hand washing before I send her through the machine. So, her I am just blathering along because I talk when I'm nervous. I'm trying to decide if I have someone I can take. My daughter has a 6" rd plush that she got when she was two and used to go everywhere.... I've got shadow whispers (my ponysona) with me as a tattoo. I'm just sad. We've been up, down, around, and pulled inside out between last Friday (my boy's surgery date) and today. Can you send some positive vibes out for me tomorrow. Freaking out during the biopsy would be bad and I'm not allowed to take my valium.