Still Suffering From Depression

CocoChipooRocks

CocoChipooRocks

Chihuahua-Brained
Joined
Apr 15, 2013
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389
So, as some of you may already know, I've been suffering from depression for a while now. This will basically explain the not-very-brief hiatus I took from the forum. Sorry for the huge block of text, but here it goes:

This year, I entered 10th grade with high aspirations for myself, but unfortunately it isn't working out like I hoped. My depression has really gotten in the way of school and my grades are definitely reflecting this. In my freshman year, I achieved High Honors in every trimester and had almost all A's, but know I'd be lucky to not be failing any classes. It's been hard for me to pay attention in class and keep up with work (partially due to internet issues), and now I've fallen behind in almost all my classes. I've barely passed any math tests I've taken and all of my grades have been going up and down constantly. I feel like I'm ruining my chances of getting into a good art college and having an actual future. I seriously don't know what to do with school at this point, and sometimes I even miss school on purpose just as an escape. I've been missing quite a bit of school either from this or getting sick. I know it's not good, but still.
I also don't really have the best self esteem and this bothers me a lot. I'm not really confident and it's hard for me to work up the courage to talk to new people. Sometimes I don't feel like I have any friends and that no one likes me. I barely have friends in any of my classes and I feel extremely alone and sad, and it makes me feel like a loser. They're also busy often, so I don't really get a chance to see them and I feel really isolated. Also, because of past experiences with bullying, I sometimes have a hard time trusting people. I want to believe in my heart that their convictions are genuine, but then I always turn around and assume that they only pretend to like me as a joke.
Every day I get up and hate looking into the mirror because I detest what I see. I don't feel like I'm a pretty girl at all and as a result, I've lost a lot of motivation to take care of myself. Because of anxiety, my appetite shifts in the way that I'll barely eat one day and then gorge myself the next. The fact that Valentine's Day is coming up depresses me because I've never had a boyfriend or been out on a date, and I'm almost sixteen years old! The boy I've been pining after for two years barely acknowledges my existence and makes no effort to talk to me (I'm too afraid to talk to him), which makes me feel repulsive. I always feel really lonely and it hurts because I want to feel like I have friends and a boyfriend that I can count on for comfort and support. I know people always say that I have plenty of time to find a boyfriend, but the fact that no boy really expresses interest in me makes me feel even uglier than I already do. Sometimes the only real support I find is from my dog, but this makes me feel stupid.

I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I've hit a dead end in life and that it's all over, when most kids my age are excited that their lives are just beginning. I have trouble getting up in the morning and I just want to sleep all day. Lately I've been crying every night until around 1:00 AM, and then I barely get any sleep. I don't want to give up on life, but to be perfectly honest, sometimes I don't even see a point in trying. If someone could give me some advice or support, I would greatly appreciate it.

(Sorry for any mistakes, I used my iPod Touch to type all this)
 
'HuGS" First off you are not alone I am not in high school anymore but I swear its very close to how I felt in high school. It does get better its hard to see the sun for the clouds but it does.

High school is so up and down and bully has gotten worse now days. The best advice I can give you is don't bottle anything up. Start a Journal (not online) Go on walks and don't forget to breath. If you have a counselor talk to them and see if they can help. Look around I got through a lot of my depression by tiring to do something a little positive I join a club. I join the science and the environmental club at school. It was very small but at least I could work on something project wise that made me feel good.

If you need some one else to talk to look around here. I have never meet a more wonderful bunch of people anywhere. Many of them have help me with my depression.

I hope gray sky lift and the sun will shine soon for you. Remember even if you cant see it right now You are Special you matter and there are those that care about you.

IT DOES GET better.

One last thing sometimes if you are feeling down and have nothing that seems to make you feel better hug a toy. They never judge you or think anyless of you. Mine got me through high school college and still help me in my adult life.

Keep your chin up. I hope this help.
 
Sweety, I'm so sorry you are not feeling well. You are most certainly not alone. I have been dealing with depression all my life. Sometimes it lasts a long time (years), but it DOES get better. I promise you that. It does get better.

A lot of the things you are feeling, I have felt something similar. I did not have a boyfriend until recently. My first kiss was at age 24, and my first date was around the same time. So please, please, don't feel bad at valentines day. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you just because you haven't had a relationship yet.

I also had the same problem with school. I dropped out of college for two years. I was a straight A student for many years, but then I crashed into depression and literally failed all my classes. But I eventually got better and got back into school and now I'm about to graduate. So don't worry, you will make it through school! And the starving one day and gorging the next day thing, I did all of that as well. Try hard to take care of yourself and don't worry if you slip up now and then.

And I remember when I was your age (I am 29 now) and it was so hard for me to feel like there was any reason to go on. I positively promise you, there is life after depression. I know it's incredibly hard to believe that when you are feeling so awful, but I promise you that it gets better.

I went to many counselors to help with my depression. I highly recommend that you find a good counselor and a good psychiatrist if you can. And if you don't like the first counselor, then try another one. Counselors are like dates. Some of them work well with certain people. Everyone needs a certain kind of person to help them. Don't give up on them!

Also very important is a good support group outside of your counselor. It's okay if you don't have a bunch of friends. What about family members, relatives, or teachers? Reach out to the people that you trust so that you have someone to call when things get really rough. Remember to invite good people in and keep bad people out. A lot of my problems stemmed from hanging out with the wrong crowd and a huge step in my life was to stand up to those people and cut them out of my life in exchange for good people like my family.

Another thing that really helped me was a thing called DBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. If you can pick up a book on it or read some stuff about it online, that might help you too:

http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm

DBT teaches those of us who have a really hard time dealing with normal situations. Look at is as learning a skill, like riding a bicycle. Some things that seem so easy to other people, like controlling anxiety or anger, are so very difficult for others. DBT helps teach you how to cope with difficult situations.

One more thing that helps is to remember to do something for yourself every day. It can be something super small, like draw something, or make yourself some hot chocolate. Do something that makes you happy to remind yourself that there is life outside of depression.

I hope some of this helps. My heart goes out to you because I know how hard it can be. I really hope things work out for you, and if you ever need to talk send me a PM and we can exchange e-mails or something. Take care of yourself, you are a wonderful person I can tell just from your message:D
 
This was exactly me in high school, except I was in 8th and 9th grade at the time. Following my parents' divorce I fell into a terrible depression. I was off school for months at a time, and when I came back everyone thought I was a freak. The other students wouldn't even lend me their notebooks to copy the work that I'd missed, too afraid I'd disappear with them. They made me an outcast and treated me like there was something wrong with me, and the teachers encouraged this behaviour and treated me the same way. Luckily at the end of 8th grade I met my best friend, who was also depressed and suicidal, and though she was a year above me we were inseparable throughout high school. Then at the end of eleventh grade, after she graduated, I dropped out of school because I couldn't face those people alone. Thereafter I tried to study by correspondence, but my depression prevented me from getting any work done. I developed OCD, and over the next four years I lived a tormented existence. I was anorexic, I couldn't stand to be touched, and I was afraid to leave the house, so I didn't see anyone or go anywhere (other than to a psychologist) more than a handful of times a year. Even my family didn't know how to treat me or how to help me at this point.

In the entire time that I had depression, I went to eight different psychiatrists and psychologists. I know for a lot of people they're very important and helpful, but they did nothing for me, so don't feel bad if you go to a therapist and it doesn't work out. The only thing I found that truly helped was the medication. But you also have to remember that different types of anti-depressants work for different people. I was on three different kinds – first Prozac, which gave me terrible anxiety attacks; then Cipramil, which worked at first for the depression but not again later when I developed OCD; and finally Zoloft, which finally got me feeling like myself again. I was able to get out of bed and even out of the house, and things continued to improve from there, especially when I met my boyfriend. I wanted to be a better person for him, and that helped me throw off the shackles of my OCD. I've been with him for 7 years now, and I've been able to get by without the medication for about six. But I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to meet him if it hadn't been for those pills.

I've only ever had one friend in my entire life that didn't either emigrate or stab me in the back, and I met her by chance. You need to try and find people who share your interests, whatever they may be. In my case it started with us reading the same books, and from there we've shared almost every interest and obsession that we've developed over the years, from movies and TV series, to anime and manga, to video games. If you can find even one person who likes the same things as you and thinks the same way as you, that's enough. Try talking to people about their likes and hobbies, or looking around for clubs to join. I guarantee that there has to be at least one person out there who shares your interests.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 21. I was friends with more boys than girls during primary school, but they never had any interest in me as more than that. The guy I had a crush on in 7th grade never returned my feelings. There was one boy who was younger than me who liked me and wanted to go out with me, but the age difference caused my entire grade's boys to come down on both of us (they even stormed me at lunch break one day and shoved me onto the floor laughing). I distrusted boys after that, and from there I went to a girls' high school. I only met my boyfriend years later while accompanying my best friend to one of her university's anime club meetings. Like I've said before, you need to look for someone who shares your interests! This is the single most important thing in both friendship and relationships. You need to have things in common.

And if people think you're lame for liking the things you do, that's their problem. If people want to give you grief, then ignore them. Don't even give them the time of day. They aren't worth your energy and they don't add anything to your life. You should feel sorry for them that the only thing that makes them feel good about themselves is making other people feel like crap, and that they have nothing better to do with their lives than bother you. If anyone has issues, it's them, not you. If they continue to give you a hard time, take it up with your teacher or the principal.

I know everything feels hopeless right now, but I promise you that things will improve, and in future you will look back on this time in your life and you'll know that you made it through the difficult times, and you'll be stronger because of it.
 
Start talking with a school counselor.

Do it now, cause you may regret not doing it later

I was a honor student through middle school then due to excessive bullying and my stepdad's ptsd at home, my grades slipped too and I also stopped caring.

Bullying causes grades to slip, and people involved in it need counseling
 
*bunch of hugs*
I try not to touch these themes, tbh, but I know that you need some help. Try meeting people that share your interests and things like the people suggested above. I'm truly sorry and I just want to hug you so you know that we are also your friends, and you aren't alone :)
 
I'm sending very much hugs to you <3. I have not experienced depression so I can't myself give you advises but others advices looks really good ( and I second them :)) . I hope you will feel better soon! And like Skygleamshine said we are here for you too! :)
 
I give you <3 HUGS! <3 Sorry I don't have an experience for yee :sadpony: BUT, I will tell you that There is more to life, DON'T give up, there are plenty of people out there that care about you. People/Ponies are giving you plenty of advise, I bet they'll help you , and there are a lot of people/ponies on here that care about you, and you WILL get out of that depression. And I understand your shyness im actually pretty shy when it comes to new people. about your crush if you have any periods with him, if find out you have anything in common with him that'll strike a conversation and if you easdro- uh I mean overhear him talking about something you like go up to him and say something an example:" Hey! Are you talking about ______________! I love/like that (too)!" something like that (but don't ease drop I was tryin to be funny) I hope you get outa dat blue funk soon, actually I don't hope, I KNOW you will I believe in you CocoChipooRocks :winkpony:
 
Honestly, thanks so much to everyone that took the time to comment. It's good to feel like I'm not totally alone. I do see my school counselors often (usually once a week), so that helps a lot. I try to talk to my friends about my thoughts and feelings as often as possible, because many of them go through similar things. I also go to counseling outside of school, so I know this well help me as well. One thing that I definitely need to work on besides my shyness and self-esteem is my ability to stand up for myself, because I struggle with being assertive sometimes.
I know the road ahead will be hard, but I'm going to try my best. Pony hugs to you all. :ponylove:
 
High School is Hell. It's just a fact, I know girls who were the popular kids through highschool and they agree that it was an awful experience for them too. It's a lot of pressure to put on young people when they have so much internal pressure already. Growing up isn't easy, that transition from childhood to adulthood is awkward and uncomfortable and no matter what anyone says it just never feels 'right.' Nobody can prepare us for it.

But, like people have said above, it gets better. Depression might still be there, but we do find friends, people that make it go away. Sometimes those friends are people, sometimes animals, or a mixture of both. The people can be ones you see face to face all the time, or people you meet and hang out with online only. Every little bit helps, and having a place you feel safe venting to is a HUGE help. I've done my fair share of venting posts here on the MLPTP myself and this is my safe place. I'm glad to see that it seems to be yours too.

Just remember, "There's always another rainbow."
 
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